Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Society.

I met a person today. That person happens to be the perfect embodiment of.. well, society. I have no other words. I want to make it expressly clear that I am not trying to insult anyone. I have never before seen more clearly how the collective mind called the society works and where I stand in relation to it.
Society is educated. Society is (in part, at least) formed of people who have had the same economic background, sometimes even the same moral teachings from the same institutions and yet their mind works in such different ways.
This society judges you first by the way you look. It is not so obvious because well, society is obviously accepting but you feel it in your skin. You feel it when you check the mirror twice to cross check if you have anything out of place and your hair is not all awry. You say your hellos and you are a part of society too, aren't you? So you maintain your cordial relations and exchange pleasantaries and click your pictures. After that the conversation starts - about things that really matter. About what everybody else is doing and where they are at. How much you are respected and how proudly your parents can talk about you depends on how much you've studied, where you're studying, your gap years and how much you're earning and at what floor your house is/how big it is. Respect also ocassionally rests with the brands you adorn. Passion? That sounds something strange if it doesn't guarantee pay. Laughable, literally. Society can accept that you're beautiful when it looks at pictures of you but is equally ready to dismiss your achievements as small and declare you as has-beens. But secretly likes your skin tone and colour. It demeans you because of the way you choose to spend your money but itself madly respects the ownership and hoarding of it. When it itself couldn't possibly have the guts to admit to themselves their passion or interests, let alone pursue them for even a mile. It condones gender equality vocally. But there is something hidden in the way they talk about certain practices - about girls finding it hard to find suitors due to their appearance - you feel uncomfortable because there is something off about it. Sometimes conversations about how a person landed someone out of their league. But no siree, looks don't matter. They are not going to stand the levelling of such accusations against them.
Why I myself was put under the scanner. Sometimes I imagined bad things in general. Of everyone doing very well, landing good jobs. Maybe yes it even seemed like people were doing better with lesser effort (of course not taking away from their smartness or sound decisions). Today, I was subjected to it. Internet has made this easier of course. I sat there surrounded by this world of beautiful, bold, glamarous and talented people. Earning people. Better off people. I was shown the world I should be aspiring for by the know-all society secure and smug in their safe decisions. And yes, they should be safe and secure, because they have worked hard for their place. I was judged today by what I was doing in comparison to illusions I could never hope to defeat; competing with people whose stories, emotions I knew nothing of. I faced my fears and it didn't hurt. It didn't touch me. I saw instead what I would have become had I taken the road straight, straight, straight and never asked. The horror of being the stereotypical society. I say this openly - I am going to be jealous of many things, willing to fight to reach higher on some other ground but not this. This is not for me. And no matter what I do, if I play by their rules, I will be put in a packet - a has been or a weirdo hippie or a 90 percenter sure shot success. I am never going to be my goodness or kindness or intelligence (well, whatever little of the above I have!) should I choose to participate.
I am not here trying to demean anybody or intend to sit on a high horse declaring myself to be the queen of the world. I am just saying that I am relieved that I know how far behind I am on the journey of self realization and more importantly, self betterment. I am happy.

Sorry if I have been too harsh or misunderstood or looked too much into what was said.

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