Tuesday, May 31, 2016

On my way to the most comfortable home in Kolkata.

Oh well its no secret that I love Shristi's home. I don't know why, I just do.
And the book that I had thought I had closed is now, is actually finally closing now for real. It does suck. But no matter what it has to happen.
So much good makes past bad easier to forget. :)
But it's time to say goodbye again.

[Couldn't post this in time due to network issues]

I start a new internship tomorrow and I hope I don't bungle it. :P
I am actually worried about the lunch hour the most. Hahaha. But learning new things is always good. And the key to not feeling bad is to surround yourself with people who are inspired and happy. Who are devoid of what is petty and are dreamy. I think it instantly works in removing all kinds of negativity. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016


I think I just ran out of people to tell that I love love love Suits.
I just started with it yesterday and it didn't even take me half an episode to fall irrevocably in love with those guys.
So much swag. That cockiness and attitude.
A guy you can hate. (Although the episode I just saw made me feel a little bad for him!)
I think I have fallen in love with fictional charcters after a really long time. Huh.

Also, I doubt this is the last time anyone on my blog is hearing about this show and all this fangirling.  ^_^

Thursday, May 19, 2016

To Stupidity and Happiness

Sometimes its so funny to see old pictures.  To see how ridiculous you looked.  Like yaa.  Nobody I know has said I looked so good back then and look at me so shitty now. College changes a little bit in everyone. But in all that stupid looking-ness, there is a reminder you know. That life was so simple then because you were so naive.  Everybody was so naive.  And you had this naive little world where people were honest and had petty fights.  Before everybody got infected with this tartar of negativity.  And suddenly it wasn't so simple anymore. Suddenly best friends wouldn't talk about what's affecting them anymore.  People realized it's better to hide what they feel.  You get touched by negative emotions in a way you don't want to and yet somehow feel powerless to stop it. People drift apart. Hearts break.  You have the responsibility of your future on your shoulders. Some learn not to trust the hard way. Becoming honest becomes somehow increasingly tough.   Growing up is important but all this seems so.. Sad.  It's unavoidable. I often wonder if everyone feels about it that way.  But still.  To silly floppy hair and outdated clothes. 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Her Life in Her Hands

She walked to the riverside. It was calm today. She liked to be alone when she talked to him. She deliberated for a few seconds.
She joked then - Are you mad that I threw away everything of yours after you left?
She alone chuckled. The reassurance she hoped for didn't come.

Before she could stop herself, the words came tumbling out.
She got angry and questioned him - Why did you leave? Why would you go? You had no right to make that decision.
Again, no reassurance came.

Finally, tears streaming down her cheeks she apologized, that she did realize that it wasn't a choice. She saw her tears ruining whatever she had been writing in that notebook of hers. Losing control, she flung it far away hoping it would fall into the water and just drift away. That notebook was the last evidence that something beautiful had existed. Earlier, when he did exist in flesh and blood they had left each other notes in that. And now? She was left pouring her heart out and talking and hoping.

She thrashed about and she pulled out the grass and she screamed and screamed.
The reassurance never came.

Finally exhausted from all the pain and tears, she looked up. The notebook had just stopped short of falling into the water. His reassurance had come. She smiled.

Picked it up again and tried.
Again, she wrote - I know why you went alone. You thought you'd be smart and reach first and just make me feel bad about how slow and lazy I am. Such an ass.

She walked back alone to her life, holding it in her hands.

PS - Sounded less cheesy-ish in my head.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Everything but You.

I guess I kept thinking of all those times in my life. I don't remember what I exactly did or what I said or what somebody else did or what happened but I remember the environment. Everything but me and them. It's stuck like a picture in my head. In all of these, nothing/no one ever moves like they do in memories. However, these picture brings with it a certain sense of calm and comfort and that is how I will always remember them. Unblemished. I hope these never leave me even when I make newer pictures. Because, they felt so good. :)

Winter morning but wide awake
Warm sunshine filtering by the window next to you
Full stomachs
Lazy head downs
A rare day when you said what you thought
Left with the hope of a similar if not better tomorrow
And it felt good.

Scorching heat killing you outside
So you stepped inside to waste your time
Ordered a burger
No money for fries
Overstayed your welcome after dissecting your lives
Before you knew the sun set
Ultimately left because of the excess air conditioning
And it felt good,

Twenty four people in a room
With flowers and a cake
Celebrated a milestone
In a way the household never saw before
Loud voices and brightest of smiles
And it felt good.

Freezing nights
Can't keep an inch of your body outside
Curious questions and conversations
Shut up for fear of being caught awake on a school night
And it felt good.

A friend's home and bed
Sprawled across as if your own
Darkened room
Tedious work long forgotten
Excited minds and eyes working on some random plan
Discussions with another friend walking on the way home
Took a longer route just for some more time
And it felt good.

Collectively drowning in misery
The voice modulated lectures stopped making any sense
Constant wait for that momentary break to convey something that felt so urgent
Laughing like idiots
Playing under the sky
The enveloping feeling of togetherness
Because feeling lost alone is so much more miserable
And it felt good.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

On a non-fanatic note.

So, I completed 3000 views. Called for a change. Which I put in the header. Also made an AdSense account but nope indiscriminate clicking doesn't help. It's late and I should sleep. My entrance material is pretty cool if I don't descend into madness ever so often and focus like a normal person.
I forgot whatever I had to say. Oh ya, thank you you guys for being so amazing and taking it to 3000. :D
You have made my obsessions stronger. Wuhoo.
Okay, bye. :)

Oh and my friend gets to meet Deepika Padukone. So cool.

And, have to post a post about a recent controversy I came across. :O


So, I have been reading up on the World War and the Middle East recently and it's simply outrageous how we function! My blood is boiling when I think of it. I wasn't supposed to write this post until I finished with my exam but this is just not acceptable!

I was this naive girl who thought foreign aid is usually given in wars for humanitarian reasons. When we were taught war poetry - Anthem of the Doomed Youth, in particular - our English teacher had kept emphasizing on how it is the big powers that manipulate the people. [The Linkin Park song too - When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.] I always agreed with the fact that its the poor who suffered but I also wondered why the poet was so critical of wars in general - like some of them had to be fought to make wrongs right. Right? No. And here's why.

World War II could have been stopped easily had Britain and France intervened earlier but they didn't. They had this policy of appeasement which actually stemmed from the fact that they wary of Communism, namely the USSR and since Germany and USSR already didn't see eye to eye, they let Germany continue their expansionist policies until it was way too late. Specially the example of the Munich Pact. Under this pact, Czechoslovakia was divided because Germany wanted it (under the pretext of looking after the German minorities there). Guess who decided the fate of Czechoslovakia? Britain, France, Germany and Italy. Oh, and the Czechoslovakian delegation? They were never consulted. Originally, Britain and France were  supposed to stop this from happening but anyway.

During the World War period, there was the Manchurian crisis wherein Japan attacked China. Why? They were reeling from an economic crisis and the only way they thought they could prove their supremacy was through expansion. Like....
In fact Manchuria was a major supplier of inputs to Japan and according to agreements, Japan had the right to attack China in case any of their provisions were disturbed. Allegedly, they bombed their own railroads.

Nazism. Well.

Then the whole Middle East crisis. Admittedly, I had not been religiously following the news but I was sure someone was looking out for the people but umm, nope.
Specifically in Syria, Russia is supporting the President because it had good ties with them and also because it has set up its army base there giving it strategic access to the whole region. Also, it currently supplies natural gas to Europe and Saudi Arabia (on the side of the rebels) is a competitor. The longer the war continues, greater will be the advantage to Russia. Iran supports the President because again ally which is okay but also because Syria is very important logistically for providing support to Hezbollah in Lebanon. Where in all of this are the civilians being considered? Those civilians who had revolted against him?
Saudi Arabia supports the rebel cause as they don't want Iran's influence.
The Syrian crisis was never along the lines of the Shia and Sunni divide but in order to justify their intervention Saudi Arabia as well as Iran are responsible for making it a sectarian affair. Saudi Arabia and Iran are responsible for a lot of the Middle Eastern conflicts and it is just about to get worse with more money in the hands of Iran after the Iran Nuclear Pact (all economic sanctions will be lifted against them in return for the destruction of their nuclear materials like uranium and some centrefuge something system). Same has been happening in Yemen and Bahrain where both Shia and Sunni communities have co-existed for years before. Saudi Arabia wants greater influence and uses the Sunni argument and Iran the Shia argument for the same end. Meanwhile, US has an alliance with Saudi Arabia so duh, support. Iran and US are at loggerheads. As a result, the anti-governmental forces have again been divided into Kurds, Sunni militants, al Nusra idk what. Everybody hates the ISIS but it is only building upon the Sunni-Shia divisions already created by other countries for their benefits. Even though ISIS recognizes itself as Sunni, it still caused disruption in Saudi. These things have always backfired. USSR invaded Afghanistan wanting its own influence there and US provided the militants with armaments which led to eventual radicalization and attacks on the US itself. US even provided Pakistan militants with weapons for the Afghanistan thing and these insurgents attacked India as well. All of these countries are really like playgrounds to everyone involved. You'd think they would stop intervening by now for such selfish reasons but that's just me. Well, they did leave something alone. What is that? The civilians. By alone, I mean stranded.

An estimated fifth of the population of Syria are now refugees. Many, many are internally displaced. Around 42,000 become refugees daily. (Refugees are also coming from Somalia, Afghanistan, Myanmar etc.)
Now we will cast a glance at the rich nations.
Europe. What did they do? Formed an arrangement with Libya to stop influx of immigrants from there. The refugees caught were brought back to Libya where punishment in the form of torture and rape was the norm. Thank God the Gaddafi government fell. Oh, so what did they do next? Formed barbed wires. Denied joint responsibility. Just one nation (Germany) is open to them. UK, I guess, has agreed to accept 20,000 refugees per year in the dire situation of the existence of already 4.5 million people. Some places have made immigration punishable with upto 3 years imprisonment. UK stopped investing in the search and rescue operations with the result of 2,500 refugees dying just trying to cross the Mediterranean. The search and rescue has estimatedly save 1,50,00 lives earlier.

In 2013, there were 2.5 million refugees. How many did the US accept? 36.

And these powers have never hesitated to intervene. Yes, I do not have the complete history with me. But in the long and tumultuous history of Middle East they have regularly played the puppeteer. Why the hesitance with aid?
If there is one thing I have learnt it is that nations never will consider things as 'right' or 'wrong'. There is just 'beneficial' or not.

 Appalling. All of it is appalling.

What saddens me the most that some of these decisions are a result of populism. This means there was someone like me who thought waging war was okay. Someone like me who thought not accepting refugees because I was insecure about their culture or religion was okay. [I also Googled - Refugees more often that not have a net positive impact. I could find only one case of a Syrian refugee committing a crime. So, suspicion of criminal intent doesn't justify this.] Someone who was at the helm thought the ruination of a country was okay. Someone like me who thought sacrificing a fellow countryman for no reason at all was okay.

Extremism is on the rise and one wonders what other atrocities are left to be seen.

The poets were right and that is deeply upsetting.

Disclaimer - I could read up very limited material on it. I wish I could have really dissected this matter but I face time constraints. Also, maybe that is why some of the above mentioned facts may have been biased.

Also I did find an alliance in all of this which was partly altruistic - the US Israel one.

Some source materials that will explain what I have tried to say in a much, much better way -

Other bad news about refugees being stranded at sea because no one would take them. These were from Myanmar. Rohingya Muslims.

Picture of the Middle East I kept referring to because I was so confused about who was where and what did they support

Now I shall go read what this means for the rest of the world. I mean, this has already become one of the reasons Britain wants to exit the EU. And is the reason for Trump's popularity.

Monday, May 9, 2016

#DreamDiary (lost count)

Super creepy dream!

So I dreamt that there were people trying to irritate me but I couldn't do anything about it. Like some of them came up on the blog to diss it and promote their own stuff and I couldn't remove them from here or something. I don't know why but I had to resort to beating them up physically. There was a pink and white striped shirt man with heavy kajal on his eyes and he kept touching me inappropriately. He would say excuse me for an opportunity to cross everytime and do the same thing over and over. I stayed up half the night beating him up as well.  Like really tying up his hands and hitting and punching him.
But.. turns out half these people weren't real. I was reacting to something that wasn't there. I was hitting the empty space. I woke my mom up in  the dream. Like I was sleeping on the bed and she on the floor. She told me that it was the last time she would come sleep next to me to help me calm down - that she had had enough of my drama and waking up and making noise at night and that she would register me at some mental institution and that was it. She was done. Her leg gave her trouble everytime she was on the bed. And then I heard a background voice that said she is so delusional that for her, her mom isn't enough. She has to be an angel from the sky. And my mom vanished and there was a Peter Pan-ish shadow on the wall. And I kept crying and saying please and please.

I have probably never been happier to wake up next to mom. Apparently she had woken me up because I had been making weird noises in my sleep. So scary and weird! :O

Friday, May 6, 2016

Not Really About Painting.

You have this fresh sheet
You hope to make your masterpiece
When you check, the materials seem all right
So you grow confident that it might come together in the very first try
You make and you make
More than that you erase
Because the lines won't join
They don't bend
They don't curve
They run out of control
Change direction
You learn to grow more patient
The page becomes a big mess
Too thick and too thin
Just too much variation
So you tear it off and start afresh
With sharpened pencils and bigger oil pastels
Much to your chagrin the picture still doesn't appear
For the previous page has left behind too many impressions
Admitting you need help you ask a friend
Whose skills are commendable and they are so far ahead
To make it easy on you
They make the dots
"Oh just join them and then you're sorted out"
Again you try with your fullest concentration
It starts beautifully
And you are about to finish it
Laughably that's when you decide to dip your brush in black
And all the colours are now indistinguishable
They've mixed and merged,
Struggled but ultimately succumbed
The paper just a mess of wet black lumps.
Tired of starting over
You try to salvage it
Give it some form
All that practice hasn't yet made you an artist
Your brush just succeeds in further distorting those lumps
The years you invested seem now to be a waste
The brush too seems to have fulfilled its purpose
This leaves you with the biggest question of all -
How to destroy that black monster you've created?

PS - Whenever I end a post like this, it seems like awkward silence to me. So I will just like talk for a bit. I always wanted to do thisss! Like write something and be like no bro I was talking about something else. Haha. I think I've paid too much attention to literature classes in school. Anyway, I will post again at night. I hope I will have something positive to say. Till then. :D

Update - Yes, I forgot to add it in yesterday but I finally did something I was scared to do that day. ^_^

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Sunday, May 1, 2016

My Cupboard

So I was cleaning my cupboard today and I came across all the cards I have ever received and I did what I do every time I come across them - I stopped cleaning and started reading them. Let me tell you mom is the cutest. She has given us cards for every day that was made - birthday, daughters day, friendship day. Such cute things. Such cute designs.
Cards given by Apurva. So much effort. Plus they are evidence of how friendships mature over the years.
All my cousins and mama and mami. And my kaka and kaki and chickloos. Haha. And also my neighbours congratulating me for something I don't remember.
My sister gave me a card once with the cutest message on it.
Cards by my friends! Childish ones from childhood by my school friends. Pretty ones and even random ones by my college friends.
And of course my brother who doesn't believe in writing anything on cards. Like I could literally re-sell them.
So thank you guys! You've made me happy. When you gave them to me, for sure, and all the times I even seen them again since then.
I really don't know why the card culture had to die. It was one of the beSt things we had. I am trying to make it come back as well (of course there are certain people I know who still believe in cards). But it's tough tough tough to sit and actually make a card for all the people you care about. You'd be left making cards all the time! But seriously though. Yay. :D

I have even kept the original plastic Doodle came in. Just for the original Doodle smell! It's still there! :D

Also I was always a nerd. Like I found a book with random information on computers which was given to me in Class 4, my secret diary written in code whose key I didn't bother writing down and hence can't read anymore, all the questions I used to actually copy down (along with my sister I guess) from KBC. I remember saving a manual somewhere to learn foreign languages from it! Haha.
But the most precious of all, I found my "Inventor's Guide Book"! It's truly fantastic. I love love love that cute little booklet. Haha. Nerd and proud. B)

That's about it. Ending another unproductive day.
Good night world! :)