Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Growing Up

I have been hearing that phrase you're grown up now since before I really grew up. I expected myself to grow up, I could feel everyone expect me to grow up soon.

Lately, I have gathered a thing or two about growing up, It's a funny time this - all directions seem equally lost. So, here is what I think it is!

Outwardly, or rather most obviously, as I have learnt from observations it means asking questions, right questions and voicing your opinions. Not stupid, I have no idea yet want to butt in kinds but the making yourself heard, sensible ones.
It's when there remains no black or white, but just a whole lot of grey. You learn to stand on your two feet for yourself because well, no one else is going to. It's when you recognize your choices, begin to see your life as a combination of choices with lots of trade-offs and learn to accept responsibility for what you do, and where you end up being. It means finally seeing where you lack what you lack and what to do about it, to in the first place, decide to do something about it. It also means that in all this while, when you are learning and flexing in your skin, to learn to not be too hard on yourself. To see it for what it really is - a learning curve and possess the patience to let it take its course. It means to be kind and to love. It means not only giving, but choosing where to give yourself, to rather invest. It means conquering your fear and reaching out for what you are after. This reminds me of Harry whom I yesterday read had taken both his hands off his broom to catch the Snitch. It means knowing you will fail at some point, on some day but charging ahead anyway.

The word responsibility is a big one. But eventually you realize it means nothing more than doing what you ought to!

It also means fighting. Fighting a lot. I think, and I cannot be really sure, all of us have one overpowering flaw. Umm, hamartia, if you will. So, you fight and learn to tame your hamartia. Right now, at least, it means that to me. It means being willing to break out of the shadowy corners of your mind - to 'choose' a better life for yourself. It means looking long and hard for the song of  your heart and when you do find it, it means fighting doubly hard to keep it tuned. Right now, it gives me the image of a snake climbing out of its old skin; the importance of that whole molting process. So, to be ready to undergo it, to fit into a new, better skin. To take charge, to take control of your life, of your now, come out changed but yet the same. It seems very overwhelming today. But it genuinely is for the better.

If you are choose to be stubbornly optimistic in life - not because you don't believe bad things won't happen to you but because you know that you can fight it - I think you survive.

And if all of the above really means growing up then I am. Without even realizing it. 

Hahahaha. Tackling You Today.

It feels so funny to write about this. But I am frowning right now. And after so many days I felt like writing on paper instead of typing. [I think real writers should write on paper. :P] Here I am sharpened pencil in hand and an open book on the study table which I never use. Okay. 1,2,3.. Go.

Its hard to write about this because the details have become too fuzzy to remember everything. But I know I liked you. A stupid childhood crush. Looking back? I don't know why. I just don't see any reason. Except you were rebellious (I think - or was it just lazy?) and that probably caught my eye. And I need reason. I need logic. I need to see it. But can't find any here. Just being a girl, I suppose. And then you talked to me. Started with a congratulations for my boards. Hahahaha. Does this happen with many people? You crush on them and they come talk to you? Anyway, it turned into.. I don't know what. Turned into nothing.

Umm, some facts -
1) You pinged me. Continuously. Every day. For months. Incessantly asked me to do the same. I would wait around sure, but never ping first. 
2) You talked for hours. It can't have been easy to talk to a free, a little unguarded version of me. Because I talk shit! I like talking a lot. So, that equals to talking a lot of shit.
3) You twisted your words and indirectly implied I was important. You made my sister ask me to go online. :P [Dude, what were you!]
4) I started sharing a little bit with you.

Also facts -
1) You stopped talking. Suddenly. Randomly one day. Out of the blue. Then I started pinging you. Didn't reply even then.
2) We never transcended the line of talking online. In school, we were strangers. Thanks for waving though. :) [It is not a blame game but if it were, I'd admit it was my fault too].
3) You lied about such silly things that it cannot even be called lying. Like who does that? Why lie about knowing Maths? It's very minor but so ridiculous that I can't help pointing it out.
4) Oh, most of all, you tried to misuse my poem. Lord knows, you must have.

Frankly? There was nothing to you. You didn't talk smart. You talked about other girls a lot. No, I didn't mind it one bit. Not a bit. But yes, its clingy behaviour. All I knew about you were that you were a good friend (to other people of course, not talking about me). You never bothered studying. But what can I say? It really didn't matter to me because all the people in my life don't. And you seemed fun. Being borderline cheesy, [lol, I actually forgot what I liked about you and had to ask my friend] I liked your smile. People called you ugly, hideous. I always agreed. But not really. Never did I for a second actually believe you were really ugly. To this day I call you ugly because the world does but I in reality think you are pretty good looking. I don't know what you look like anymore. I deleted you and maybe even blocked you from Gtalk, don't remember. [Just checked, yes I have blocked]. My friend showed me a picture of you sometime back. You do pretty weird things. She knows what I am talking about! XP

You talked a lot about sadness a lot in the beginning. Being the angel that I am, I couldn't stand it. I invested a lot into trying to convince you to be okay. I counted down to your birthday. I have once texted you in the middle of the night because nothing felt right. That night was terrible, terrible. Thank God you were sleeping and I never told you why. I don't think I wanted anything to do with you. Didn't put much thought into it.

How can I explain it in the simplest of words? It's like there is a lame young adult fiction book of which you are a mildly interesting chapter. I don't nurse a broken heart. Like, big boohoo. I don't feel the urge to 'confess' or whatever. [It would be really hilarious if you do know about it one day]. But in this book, the author forgot to elucidate on your nature [did I use elucidate correctly?], on your mind. The reader can see what you are doing but can't figure out the why, your thought process. He is left asking why to all your actions! Why talk? Why befriend? Why behave that way? Why then be a gentleman and give congenial smiles?

Well, this reader has a hint though she would still like to know for sure. All the answers that I know are probably true and are extremely humiliating and embarrassing. To hear them in real life can't be that bad or could it? I fear I have been really stupid, that I believed your need-for-sympathy stories to be true and that you probably had the occasion and the lack of sensitivity to make my embarrassment public. It's hard to explain. I fear I am being stupid because somewhere I know I wasn't that important to discuss. I dread that I was just another person in that particular series. If this is true, then praise the Lord for making me the unsuccessful attempt - such horrible consequences it would have led to! Or you were just being a boy - the most probable explanation. I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want anything from you or expect anything, but you gave the distinct impression of being friends and friends don't conveniently forget each other this way, right? I must give off the impression of giving all of this a lot of thought, but God promise I don't. My friends offer alternative explanations that I don't believe even for a second. Many people think it is something worth moaning about but I flinch at the thought of being pitied or something for this. I am in my right mind and know 'it's not the worst thing in the world' and 'happens to everyone'; I just wanted to put these facts aside today. 

The thing is as much as I would like to stay away, this chapter will always be a guilty pleasure. I like dissecting and analyzing it. I am rather blank even right now, to be honest. [So hungry, didn't have dinner yet!] This chapter doesn't leave the reader heartbroken and weeping but there is this teeny bit of anguish. And the curiosity to know why. Very few things and few people should be given the power to hurt, and why should you be entitled to cause even a little bit of grief, however momentary, is something worth questioning.

Bye. Do well. I even now won't think bad of/for you. Even after my rose-tinted glasses have come off, when I can everything unbiasedly. I see myself clearly - so optimistic. Maybe an optimistic fool really. Have a good life. :D

PS - Do give the answers some day. :P

PPS - If I am being completely honest today, let me then admit that I might have thought about holding your hand once or twice. This is taking me a lot of courage to say. Making me squirm a lotttt. Even then I didn't see faces. Just a hand and warmth. :)
There is one more thing which I am not admitting today.
Also, my friend had a dream regarding this aspect of my life. Don't know why, I liked that particular dream.

PPPS - Maybe the whole of this has no point. No disrespect intended, but maybe some people are just too simple and don't have reasons and my need for a reasonable answer blinds me to this fact. Also, I could not have ended this thing with the above admission. Embarrassing.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Because I am never done.

If I am down, and you are struggling, I will take your struggle personally. I will feel for you like the problem is my own. Like a sympathy monster will arise.
But if I am chirpy, there is no problem in life and your problem is just waiting for my solution - just any solution. An optimistic monster arises.

I like writing. You are honest when you write. And you can still make yourself sound good. Words, books, all combinations of 26 alphabets. Still blows my mind.

I think someone bookmarked me. It feels nice. If its true, whoever you are, thank you. :)
And to everyone who I have ever asked to leave feedback. I hate you if you didn't. If you are not reading this, I am secretly hating you. Just think about it.

I am finally beginning to get the feel that this is my baby. And I can write whatever crap I want. Sending a few invitations out, doesn't change much.  Nobody is bothered. The world carries on. :D

I have been putting off editing of these three - Never Been Kissed and Striking List. A minor correction in Lessons From Family. Lazy Daisy. Made a new catch phrase. :D

Something Hank Green said stuck with me. How simple plain old-fashioned thinking for even ten minutes benefits the individual so much! Although right now mindlessly typing seems nice. Can't bring myself to think.

Okay, things to do -
Buy that pink thing.
Wash those things tomorrow without forgetting
Ask today's work from Rhea
Hand over other peoples stuff to Aanchal
Clean some other shit up *moans - already put off for some distant day*
Look for the places noted down
Make that thing

Just now I had to close the balcony door. Heard a walking sound and breathing sound. No one is there. ;/

And that's all I can think of right now..

Hahaha edited this thrice. Because I am never done.

:D :D :D

Random Rambling.

On some days, I take long swigs from my pink water bottle and pretend I am drinking. You know, like drowning my sorrows and that kind of thing. Such a wannabe. But I have never drunk. And the pretending comes naturally. Probably, not a good thing.
[Psst - swigs goes with sad men at bar tables]

I never gn people. Ugghhh. Never. Today I did.

Some moments, some situations, which you know will always end the same way, leave you feeling like you do. And yet, you do nothing to change a thing about it. We have the power to turn tables around. Or do we? After a millionth time it happens, you start to doubt.

Today my roommate saw a small lizard on the ceiling. I just remarked - 'Don't worry. Even if it falls, it will fall on my head.' A second later, it actually fell down. Thankfully not really on my hesd. Lord alone knows where its lurking now.

Lagging so far behind with my studies. Haven't attended tuition in the whole of April.

I collected two awards on dad's behalf today. Let me correct myself, on Velani Consultancy Services's behalf. Only after I had collected it did I realize how proud it would make them. Didn't even behave as awkwardly. Maybe I am a natural prize winner. ;)

I should learn something new. I say I don't have the time. This is quite contrary to my belief of making time for things.

And sometimes my mind wanders to other lands. Wondering what it would be like to be other people. To have the qualities they have. To do the things they do. To feel what they feel and wonder if you could really ever feel that way. Fruitless pursuits.

Okay bye.
Good Night.

Saturday, April 18, 2015


So, here I am, wasting time on YouTube when I suddenly see on the vlogbrothers channel that their channels also include this one - How to Adult. Like John Green and Hank Green are executive producers of this channel.

Then I see this video -How to do ALL THE THINGS

And this is what I gathered from the first few minutes itself - Hank Green is the co-founder of DFTBA Records (legit recording company), Subbable (crowdfunding site), vlogbrothers, Crash Course, SciShow, VidCon. He also invented 2D glasses (which do the work of converting 3D back to 2D so that people who suffer from headaches due to the 3D are rescued). Also, he is the executive producer of The Brain Scoop, Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Emma Approved, Frankenstein MD, Sexplanations and of course, How to Adult.

So I opened his Wiki and woah. That man is really, really smart! I had always liked John Green but I had never researched Hank before.

Honestly, these men are smart and funny and talented and such do-gooders and so cute and so knowledgeable and yet so humble. The world needs people like these to look up to. They not only tell you its acceptable to be a nerd but actually tell you its cool to be one. Kind of make you want to learn. Very few people stand up for such goodness now. To influence lives this way, to spread so much good, its pretty damn amazing.

So before I die,
I wish to be half as influential as them through half as creative means.
Half as knowledgable.
Half as intelligent.
Half as fluent and articulate.
Half as philanthrophic.
Half as awesome.

You know how there is this whole goodness vs greatness debate? They have somehow managed to achieve both.
I hope they know the heroes that they are.

Go. Be a nerdfighter. And reduce the world suck.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Thoughts of My 13 Year Old Self

Found some thing I must have written back around sometime in 2009. That's like 7 years ago. Things my 13 year old was worried about. :P

Just another morning I woke up with this dream
I was working by a sill
I had worn a three piece Armani business suit and oh! it must have looked gorgeous I'm sure.
But somehow I seemed stress.
Or I must have had a headache or something
'Cuz I sat there holding my head.
It must be a usual thing for my alter ego I just said (in my sleep).
The window had not been opened
As the air-conditioner was full on.
It was very cold in there
But I had no time to shiver
You see I was working real hard.
As a child, I would have simply said.
'Open the window someone. Let me get distracted in a so dull office.
Give me a chance to see the birds and bees; the flowers and the trees.'
And I would have just whiled away my time there.
Until guilt would consume me and I would get up.
But I had grown-up, you see?
Money had become THE inspiration for me,
My work was to see the problems and solve them using my brains.
Wisely and smoothly I had sailed through every problem.
This sure had worked it's magic on the management and staff.
Because I just kept progressing - high and above.
How many accolades had I won I really don't remember.
[All this had happened overnight in my dream!]
What I had forgotten was that in exchange
I had traded my life of childishness, my land of happiness.
In which I used ti blow bubbles with glee.
Where even seeing a balloon gave me a childish thrill.
Where I could be stupid but still loved
Where I noticed the blue skies with the tiny black specks of birds.
And when my terrace was my idea of heaven.
Along with my school and home.
But now I needed a seven star hotel to satisfy me.
I had loads of money - oh sure!
Where to spend I did not know.
Then came a letter which would make my life take a U-turn.
It just called me to school for a reunion.
To meet my friends from whom I had not heard from since years.
Oh And oh! Just seeing my school gave me the joy I'd not experienced since years.
Oh my God! Did we have fun?
We talked about our molding days
That made us what we are today.
The values that we had shared - poor and rich, from when we were young.
We all then went back home after a week or so.
But after seeing this fun, I just couldn't move on.
I took out the dusty trunk that held all my precious things - my collected shells and other memories.
Like that card that I'd got, the card I'd made but never sent.
Or the stone I had picked up from the day when I'd gone up to the terrace.
All the memories came rushing back
The tears and smiles I couldn't sweep back.
'This is the life' I said. 'Not competition in an unruly world instead.'
And then there was regret over the time spent.
How fast I had grown old.
Shouldering more and more responsibilities along the way.
I just looked at my bank balance.
It was enough to last me my lifetime
That's when I realized -
I had lost my reason for work.
It was as if I was on autopilot.
Then and there I decided I just had to quit my job
And enjoy my long-forgotten real life.
That was when my mummy woke me up on a Tuesday morning.
I just smiled and thought -
'I'm going to make her proud.
Just this wasn't the way how.'

Sounds like a.. movie. And it's full of mistakes, even the punctuations are wrong as this is an exact reproduction of the original. Embarrassing, but here it is!

PS - Finally made you read it ;)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Day 100 :')

Hey people! I really want to thank you guys for being a part of my happiness in some way or the other as my 100 days of happiness challenge comes to an end. Today is Day 100 and I do wish to continue except for the fact that I am very lazy and that might be the sole reason I won't be able to continue this! But thanking all of you is very important even if you are not there in any of my days because happiness is a way of life - I believe that all of you have in some way factored in making me more comfortable (if not happy) or have at least made me smile once in the past 100 days or maybe before that - and I am grateful for it. It might have been something big or small but if you did bring about a positive change, I need to stop and say thank you. That's done about thanking. If you think about it, there are so many people on this Earth. So many you yourself see everyday in all the places you go to. But you're born where you are. You related to who you are. Out of all these people, your people wound up in your country, your city or your school or your locality or being your friends friend. Isn't it wonderful how we find each other? How in this big world your people are the people affecting you and shaping you? We would be so different without them. All of the things below now relate to my thoughts on this challenge. So read on only if you are feeling particularly patient today. I over think and write. And then be dramatic about it. But then again, what's life without drama? :D
I won't go as far as saying this challenge changed me. That would be a lie. To be honest, I was thankful before too. Just that co-incidentally these last few days have corresponded with some good changes. True, they would have happened without this challenge as well. This challenge, though, got me to enumerate these. Like on other days too, it made me find redemption on a really bad day. I don't know if there is any co-relation between these two but my sucky days went down (not in numbers but in intensity). Or at least, when I was sniffing at night my mind was really really forced to think to find one thing to be thankful about. Maybe it was the comfort I received from people after it or maybe it was a chocolate ice-cream to soothe me down later - but there again, it was redemption.
While I was thinking about blogging about this, it suddenly struck me. Today, I am happy that I am alive. Alive with a mind that works (slowly but steadily :P), that made me produce this while simultaneously sending impulses to my hand to type this. Alive with a heart that can feel so much and yet can be so contained.  Alive with all these facilities I have which I am guilty of sometimes not fully utilizing. Alive with the hope to one day do those things I am unable to finish today. Alive with all my dreams which I continually spin. Alive only because of the people who help me live my life. And I save these for the last because this took to me the longest to realize and I do forget it ever so often - Alive with the ability to see myself as I am. Alive with the freedom to be what I want to be, to change myself as I want to, when I feel like it. Alive with a prospect of a better tomorrow. Alive with the determination to become the best version of myself. I sound very Robin Sharma-esque but when all of it really, really strikes you, you feel liberated. :)
Other things that I learnt were that life is very unpredictable. I mean I was to eat Magnum today (been waiting since 31st March for it :/) but as of now (its 9:07), its not happening. And the other is that life is about choices in matters such as these. This is my cue for some really shitty examples I just came up with while sitting on this train. (Ooh, yeah this was quite unpredictable too. I came to know yesterday that I would be going home and look at me chilling here because I don't think I will ever be going home in this Steel AC Sleeper coach again. :P) Like umm, you can choose to either be crabby about the dustbin that won't open or the corners that haven't been swept properly or you can choose to concentrate on the glittery floor of the train. I am not kidding. They be adding sparkles or something. You can moan about all the weird stuff that accumulates on top of your coffee when it gets cold or find designs in that icky stuff. I only say this because I found two little flowers in my cup today. These are horrible examples. Don't judge me.
And and and, its lovely to spread happiness. Sometimes, it might mean just thanking people. Like I am doing today. Also, if there exists a food God, he is going to be ecstatic with my 100 happy days list. Hmmm, maybe I its time to move on to newer and more challenging challenges! :D
Bye awesome people. Smile today. Tomorrow too. And the day after. Actually every day then onwards. :)

Today's Happiness Picture - Me :D

PS - No Magnum. But found some leftover ice cream in the fridge! Yayy! :D

Drawing Credits - Meenal Velani. When I was trying in futile to draw a girl on the Paint thingy with just the black ink, she did the smarter thing in life. Just sketched this one in 5 minutes with all these colour thingies and gave it to me. I do not know why such things do not occur to me. Anyway. thanks bro! B)

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Making no sense AT ALL

I wonder why on a blog post should the thoughts have a structure? If I could really say what I am thinking right now, it would look really abstract.
Like.. There can be more than one truth. These truths might exist simultaneously and one does not nullify the other.
How to stop getting affected by them? I have no clue at all. Have been trying to figure that one out.
What do I want from life? If I am getting it, am I disappointed because I still want more?
I am an obsessive prick. That totally reminds me of Ross. Because I can totally obsess over being obsessive too.

All I know is I like potty.
Also, I should just get some sleep. Early morning tomorrow. Whether I go to tuition or not.
Best of luck my people.
Do well.

Friday, April 10, 2015

All We Need In This World

I think all we need in this world is understanding. Plain and simple. I can already see how much better off everyone is already. Understanding of what a person is going through, understanding of his beliefs, of what he wants. If we understand and have even a little bit of empathy, we will all have a little bit more love to give and a few smiles more to share.

In other news, I am writing so suckily because just. Had a very tiring day today. Sad day.


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Crap Story (that I am so un-proud of) :D

The Story That Spelt Doom.

She stood waiting on the mud balcony, one was one of those rare nights she wished for the stars to fade away. There she stood in a perfect white dress, her dark hair flying lividly about her face, urging the sun on. She smelt in the salty sea air and felt alive. A faint smile played on her lips as she thought about time. The past year had been just like all the years before. First the meeting. For months, this ecstasy sustained her. Then came the bravery, the reassurance she gave herself that the day was to come again. Great sorrow came next at the unfairness of it all. But as the day aaproached nearer, this sorrow turned to sweetness.

She saw lovers all around her. Fighting, making up, the touches, the gestures. Sometimes she felt they were being too petty. They were being unaware of the ticking clock that would soon get the better of them. But what struck her the most was how lucky they were - all of it was so tangible, so near. Deep within she knew that they didn't have to meet to meet. She could feel him when she squeezed her eyes shut and a gust of wind suddenly blew by. She saw him in sickened eyes. She saw him in failing limbs, in the final goodbyes. Everyone was scared of him. Everyone hated him. She knew how misplaced their emotions were. They thought him to be cold. But she touched him once and she knew - he had the warmth, the brilliance of a billion souls. She was in love with The Reaper, and he loved her right back.
He was the busiest man she knew. They met only once in a year. That was when The Reaper gave his sycthe to the Angel of Death. She did a real fine job, she did. But she could never be as strong as The Reaper. She couldn't stand the pain of snatching anyone's loved ones away and so she prolonged half the people's stay. She could not help feeling smug now while she waited, as she realized she knew the secrets behind the life-death 'miracles' that happened, infact she indirectly was the reason they did happen. The Reaper thus could never stay, had to drag himself away, stop the Death Angel from becoming an Angel of Mercy.

But when they met, oh when they did. They could never let go. As though, clasping each other would prevent the inevitable. Those breathless kisses, those beautiful sighs, those talks they had about love and life. Sometimes, they just stood in silence at the corner of the beach, saying nothing, drinking each other in. She adored these, savoured these. Her mind was a scrapbook filled with them. Perhaps they were doomed from the start but then theirs was not a story that belonged to this Earth anyway.

Her mind went further back to the gruesome circumstances under which they had met. She had been too young. So was he. He had come to take away someone she loved. She begged and beseeched. He apologized but couldn't relent. He felt sorrow that he couln't show. He was anyway used to being pushed away, to being feared and hated. This girl, she felt agony down to her bones. She had a particularly hard time letting go. Being young she made no attempt to hide it and sobbed and wept. For a really long time, she stood upon that very balcony staring up at the stars, looking for the one she had lost, talk to her for she was never ready to say goodbye. But what The Reaper marked with great curiosity was that she never hated Him, never called Him names. She said thank you for taking the departed to the right place.
This drew him to her. Fortunately for him, that was a time when there had been others to help him - it was the time of the plague. So, he spared a few moments, came down to see her sometimes. He was amazed that he didn't repel him. She saw that he too was a sad, lost soul. He had earned the wrath of all but for what? He was outracized, he was banned, where else could he go? In the end, they were the same - lonely souls on different planes. She begged him to take her too. But he couldn't bring himself to. He couldn't untimely deprive her of her life - the sights, the sounds, her beating heart, her pulsating soul. He wanted her to stay here and have it all. He was not going to be selfish. She had long since stopped wasting their time to argue.

The sun finally dawned and with it came he. Oh, it was the same kind of exquisite. That understanding, that love, the talk of all the souls on Earth and above. The Reaper looked into her eyes and confirmed something he had been thinking about the whole year round. The light in her eyes was fading. Over the years, grdually yes. She smiled a lot but something gave him the impression that she did it rarely, it had become something she missed. He confronted her. She wasn't going to lie. The Earth had ceased to exist for her, it had changed too much, to give her joy anymore. The Reaper smiled at the irony. He was killing her by keeping her there. With a shake of his head he decided, her time had come, their time had come.

He carried her in his arms to the journey that would never end. Their forbidden love had just becoming. As she stepped into the chariot, which was the equivalent of crossing the threshold, she held her breath at the enormity of the moment. And down below, when they found her dead, not breathing anymore, they beat their chest, they cursed. And her beloved took the fall once more.

Lines from PS - I Love You.

Been thinking a lot about these lines recently. They make so so much sense. Wonder what Gerry was confused about. :P

Holly Kennedy : All I know is, if you don't figure out this something, you'll just stay ordinary, and it doesn't matter if it's a work of art, or a taco, or a pair of socks! Just create something... new, and there it is, and it's you, out in the world, outside of you, and you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it... and you know a little more about... you. A little bit more than anyone else does... Does that make any sense at all?

Gerry Kennedy : Yeah... you're saying you want to paint socks.

Holly Kennedy : [ecstatic] Maybe!

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Lessons in Life : From Family :)

Now that I am at home and starting to see things in a new light, I realized I could actually make metaphors about the people I know! It coincides with my post 30 and (since it is kind of a landmark for me) I think it is the most appropriate thing ever. :)

As persuasive as Baa.
Seriously. Baa ALWAYS gets her way. Right or wrong, the best method or the worst, she says and it is done. Like right now, I just chanted 3 rounds of rosary beads. I don't ever remember doing all this. Persuasion is the key, my friend.

As independent, as creatively knowledgeable as Faiba.
Faiba has been fending for herself since childhood. People have helped her along the way but it is certainly not easy being ridiculed by people you know for something you can't do anything about. (She is deaf).
And as for her creative knowledge, its endless. Be it rangolis or knitting or stitching or charts - name it, she knows it. If she can't, she will figure it out. She hoards to make things beautiful. She reuses even marriage envelopes and makes them unrecognizable after she is through with them.

As high a pain threshold's as papa's; as large scale as papa, as childlike as papa.
Papa recently had a catheter put in the neck region and mum said it pained a lot. It got me wondering to the amputation too. He is never given enough anaesthetics or pain medication during the procedures. I have never heard him complain about the physical pain it causes. Ever.
And as for the big scale thing. His charity is big scale. His vegetable shopping is big scale. Haha.
Oh and his childishness. Tasty, forbidden food he just has to have. That too messily. Boring conversations and he will stop listening. All softy inside. You always got to convince him. :)

As backbone-y as mumma; as strong as mumma.
Let's just say we are where we are because of mumma. You can hear 'Mumma' and 'Keshavi' in our household quite often as a last resort for all kinds of problems.
We have seen a little bit of trials and tribulations (as all families see their fair share). Mumma is responsible for our drifting across them. She prevents all our cookies from crumbling. I have this feeling sometimes that this gene has found its way into that mental Meenal's body.
Also, mumma believes in late night secret chocolate indulging! :D

As calm, controlled and tolerant as Kaka; as adventurous as Kaka.
Kaka gives off the impression of never having shouted in his life. All those con movies they have? Enter, do the operation, exit. That's Kaka for you. Enter, do the work, exit. Never talk about it.
The adventurous bit. I still see him as that college kid with his cool college friends running off to new places to do new things. Its true though. Never shies away from adventures.

As ambitious as Kaki
Nobody at the time of their marriage would have thought Kaki would be where she is today. Not even her. What was here on a small scale has become this big, blooming business.

As knowledgeable as Mama; as curious as Mama; as bookwormy as Mama; as indulgent as Mama; as good as Mama.
The first three are interrelated really. Mama knows everything about everything. That is because he is very curious and asks a lot. Reads even more.
And I guess its a mama thing but the indulgence. Hehehe. So many chocolates and nice things to eat.
Also, I get a general feeling of goodness and calmness from him. I mean all people are good but he has an aura about him.

As clear-headed as Mami; as spiritually strong as Mami
Mami is very clear headed in life and doesn't stand nonsense in any form. There is things we do and things we don't. And the things we do, we do whole heartedly and to the best of our abilities.
Her source of strength isn't any particular God. Its her meditation and good practices and the simple life. A spiritual way of life.
Also, special mention about the simple yet useful pearls of wisdom. Like, umm, of never being afraid if you know what you are doing is right.

The following two, I admit, I can't write about as I write about other people but by my impressions -
As free spirited as Kruti didi
Didi always follows her heart and does what she wants!
As gentlemanly as Harshraj bhai
So studly he is naa. Always poised and perfect and ready to help. And just nice. And good at things, you know! Also learnt from him is he art of sitting on someone's lap without giving your full weight on them. Wise.

As multi-talented as Meenal; as excess sibling rivalry as Meenal.
This girl knows everything and its just damn annoying.
There are days when I decide that enough is enough and my hatred also has a limit and I won't talk to her anymore. But here I am, praising her, for being so damn annoying. :P
Special mention - How she fights off stupidity many times with her logic.

As brave as Deepak; as reconciling as Deepak; as busy as Deepak.
He has done many things in life. Like MANY. From starting his own business to climbing water tanks and whatnot. Some I am jealous of, some I completely disapprove of. But a common thread runs through all of his antics. Courage. Bravery. Sometimes its stupid, brainless courage but its there.
All the weird things and changes we go/have gone through, but he's still there.
This guy will find the time to be busy. Honest. You could find him doing his own work, if not that then his neighbours work or maybe his neighbour's friends or neighbour's friend's friends work. Basically work. Ya.

As loyal as Doodle; as huggable as Doodle.
Doodle has literally stuck with me through all thick and thin and really never let go. And he is so patient with me. Never complains. Never demands.
Scores 10/10 on the huggability meter. :D

Special Categories:
As loving as Pranjal
So much love she has, specially for her sister. :)

As useful as Shrini bhaiya
Shrini bhaiya has been so helpful and useful in all kinds of situations, at all times and in all places. He has assumed very role he can and carried out every task he could. My family cannot function without him. It's true.

PS - I think stubbornness also runs among the females in my family. O.o

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

An Open Letter :D

Dear Mr. Whoever, Wherever you are, I haven't thought about you in a long, long, lonnggg time. I last made a list when I was around 16-17 and a few things have changed. So, this time around I thought I would better write a letter to you. I know I have already made a list of ten reasons why not, but just please.
Firstly, let me tell you that I'm going to push you away. As far as I can. In the sense of showing not as much interest as I actually feel. Intimacy makes me all awkward nowadays. Or maybe it always has.
You know what though? I love to know. I love nights being spent on random casual details. In fact, most probably I will store it all away.
There is the other side to the coin too. You got to really listen. I add the word really because my honesty is masked. I sometimes will joke about something I seriously feel. You just got to catch it. I act drunk at times by which I mean I say things that do not make much sense. But listen to it anyway because that is the time I think I make the most sense. So, sift through it all and try to process. Sometimes, I will joke about something but then take it seriously myself and apologize. So!
I have many, many flaws. But I know them. If you are going to point them out, be gentle. I have already been there 5 times before you came along. Teach me to correct instead. I might give off the impression of being too content, too kind, or too gentle, or too sympathetic, or too sensitive or too smart at first. But its all deceptive. I am neither. I am just a product of certain proportions of these. (I realize I have used only good adverbs but that's what I mean. NOT a big pool of goodness.)
About my singing. I do not see why it is such a big deal or why I should be apologetic for it! It's not really option. I mean I hum all the time irrespective of the task at hand.
I believe in goodness. I love child-like wonder. I actually feel awe in the true sense of it at some things. Be these with me. Or at least appreciate it. Don't you even dare try to change that. I think that probably before I kill you for it, somebody who loves me will. That is if they haven't killed me first for putting up with such nonsense from you. If you think its naive and wait for me to let go of my childishness, I don't think it is ever going to happen.
If I choose to be close to you, it will not be easy. It will probably be frightening because it just will. I say this because I do believe I have the ability to annoy people away. I can do it, I guess. I will be all weird and competitive about you. I will worry a lot. Sometimes, it will take the form of tears. A lot of them. Learn how to deal with them - be mentally prepared. I won't mind giving you my best chocolate but let's just say if it were an ice cream, I'd rather buy you one. Fears will be my biggest obstacles. I have mostly learnt to work around them. I need you to push me when I freeze still because of them.
You don't have to indulge me much except maybe in food. Tell me I look beautiful sometimes (although I will not believe any compliment until Meenal says I look pretty). Oh, trust me, you know plenty about her and some other people by now. If you think its unhealthy, screw you.
I will be happy for all that you do but will simultaneously be jealous for all that I am missing out on. (Just self-centeredness, I guess!) I guess you could probably take me with you!? I am a lazy adventurer, drag me along please.
I mostly do things I am sure of. So I will seem calculating in all that I do. But I am not cold. That you will probably know.
I will want to know everything about everything. Find nice things I don't know. You'll earn my respect for it.
If its your birthday and I end up really really liking you, I will even give you nice thoughtful gifts/cards! :P
And most of all, I hope you don't read this. I don't want to make it too easy for you. :)