Wednesday, April 1, 2015

An Open Letter :D

Dear Mr. Whoever, Wherever you are, I haven't thought about you in a long, long, lonnggg time. I last made a list when I was around 16-17 and a few things have changed. So, this time around I thought I would better write a letter to you. I know I have already made a list of ten reasons why not, but just please.
Firstly, let me tell you that I'm going to push you away. As far as I can. In the sense of showing not as much interest as I actually feel. Intimacy makes me all awkward nowadays. Or maybe it always has.
You know what though? I love to know. I love nights being spent on random casual details. In fact, most probably I will store it all away.
There is the other side to the coin too. You got to really listen. I add the word really because my honesty is masked. I sometimes will joke about something I seriously feel. You just got to catch it. I act drunk at times by which I mean I say things that do not make much sense. But listen to it anyway because that is the time I think I make the most sense. So, sift through it all and try to process. Sometimes, I will joke about something but then take it seriously myself and apologize. So!
I have many, many flaws. But I know them. If you are going to point them out, be gentle. I have already been there 5 times before you came along. Teach me to correct instead. I might give off the impression of being too content, too kind, or too gentle, or too sympathetic, or too sensitive or too smart at first. But its all deceptive. I am neither. I am just a product of certain proportions of these. (I realize I have used only good adverbs but that's what I mean. NOT a big pool of goodness.)
About my singing. I do not see why it is such a big deal or why I should be apologetic for it! It's not really option. I mean I hum all the time irrespective of the task at hand.
I believe in goodness. I love child-like wonder. I actually feel awe in the true sense of it at some things. Be these with me. Or at least appreciate it. Don't you even dare try to change that. I think that probably before I kill you for it, somebody who loves me will. That is if they haven't killed me first for putting up with such nonsense from you. If you think its naive and wait for me to let go of my childishness, I don't think it is ever going to happen.
If I choose to be close to you, it will not be easy. It will probably be frightening because it just will. I say this because I do believe I have the ability to annoy people away. I can do it, I guess. I will be all weird and competitive about you. I will worry a lot. Sometimes, it will take the form of tears. A lot of them. Learn how to deal with them - be mentally prepared. I won't mind giving you my best chocolate but let's just say if it were an ice cream, I'd rather buy you one. Fears will be my biggest obstacles. I have mostly learnt to work around them. I need you to push me when I freeze still because of them.
You don't have to indulge me much except maybe in food. Tell me I look beautiful sometimes (although I will not believe any compliment until Meenal says I look pretty). Oh, trust me, you know plenty about her and some other people by now. If you think its unhealthy, screw you.
I will be happy for all that you do but will simultaneously be jealous for all that I am missing out on. (Just self-centeredness, I guess!) I guess you could probably take me with you!? I am a lazy adventurer, drag me along please.
I mostly do things I am sure of. So I will seem calculating in all that I do. But I am not cold. That you will probably know.
I will want to know everything about everything. Find nice things I don't know. You'll earn my respect for it.
If its your birthday and I end up really really liking you, I will even give you nice thoughtful gifts/cards! :P
And most of all, I hope you don't read this. I don't want to make it too easy for you. :)

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