Monday, December 29, 2014

Picture :)

My rendition versus the original!
It does not hold a candle to the original. I drew her because of the eyes and then the eyes came out not nice. :/ :P
But still! :)

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Terribly Tiny Tale.

She wondered which was worse. The physical shackles that held the flesh of the prisoners or the invisible ones that held her spirit. At least they knew when their salvation would come.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

These probably hurt such a lot. :(

Crippling fear. Helpless in the face of impeding danger.

Chasing after something knowing all the while that it is not yours, not your life. Thinking about it all the time.

Resigning yourself to the thoughtlessness. To the everyday. Knowing you don't want it, but accepting it all the same.

Blind hope. Whiling away lifetimes, waiting and considering. Wishfully willing for a better tomorrow. Smiling but the corners of those eyes never crinkling.

Rotting away inside. Maybe even in the midst of plush spotless white cushions. Thousands of eyes. All watching. Waiting. Not even a pair noticing.

Surrounded by a sea of people. Laughing, talking and making merry. Spending the days talking. Itching, dying, to have a conversation.

Waiting. Waiting to break free. Tethered by invisible chains, them holding you back from the life you want to lead.

Sunday, December 14, 2014


Today is one of those days I feel so lost.
Nobody has to say anything or do anything to take me there.

They say it is good getting lost in the direction. Its the journey thing.
But I don't know the direction. I don't know where I am headed. I don't what I want to do.

I am crazy. But I know I am strong. I have not yet been driven to the wall.

They say maybe it's you - you don't know how to be happy.
But I was happy this morning. I was playing. Having ghee and ice cream.

They say open up. But how do you explain?
Its just a wave I ride along. It is indescribable.
Right now, I was telling my own friend that all people need is a ear. I have a ear, but I don't know what to say.

Monday, December 8, 2014

She and He.

She was his childhood, his running away from home and school
She was the punishments, being chided for work done and undone
She was the sunshine
She was the 'important' secrets
She was the smile that crept up
She was the sound of the mismatched bangles she liked to wear
She was the innocence many had long forgotten
She was the honesty that shone through
She was the kindness that gave in the blink of an eye
She was the anger that thawed quickly and would never mind
She was not a breath of fresh air, no,
She was a whole new world where he wanted to do everything right
She was the thought that reminded him he was only human
Human, with the entirety of his might.

She was the simplicity which had remained untarnished in this black hole
She was the hope with which she spoke of a better tomorrow, as though unaware
She was the laughter that burst out when it was uncalled for
She was the quiet tears he rarely shed
She was the goodness he felt the need to protect
She was a reminder of the people waiting back home
She was the courage to stand out
She was the mischievous grin before the tickling matches
She was the getting angry before all hell broke lose
She was the sleepy nights spent dreaming
She was not a breath of fresh air, no,
She was a hurricane, a revolution,
She was his childhood twice.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Inside Weirded Out Minds :)

She did not understand humans.
She did not understand their cruelty, how they could cause so much pain to each other, how they did not realize the consequences their actions had.
She did not understand what was the need to tell someone or much worse joke about how "bad" they looked, how "unfashionable" they seemed, how they did not have the correct posture and why people didn't feel comfortable living just within their means.
She did not understand power or its necessity.
She did not understand inequality and poverty.
She did not see reason.
She couldn't fathom.
Sometimes, it partly seemed like her own fault.

She had seen love everywhere around her.
She thought it was so beautiful.
But when she really began to see
She saw it offered no respite too.
It was too much power to give to a person
Too much damage if it was broken.

She believed in empathy.
She knew it was true that you could never know a person
If you didn't put on his shoes
But when she put them on, what did she find?
There was too much pain. Too much struggle.
It could make a person blind.
But worst of all was yet to come
For when she cried that the laces were too tight
She found that others had already run.

She closed her eyes and saw this beautiful world
Where people thought twice and were not concerned
About their hair, their eyes, their status - they had no woes
Each had enough
No one grabbed more
She opened her eyes and what did she see?
That she had dreaming for too long
Whatever little precious she had was also gone.

She saw this everyday.
She broke down many days.
She marvelled at all of this.
How there were two sides to everything but one side did not really exist.
Power had no concern.
Loved did not want to love.
Listeners were not listened to.
Broken sometimes preferred to remain forever hurt.

She marvelled at how resilient man was.
How he had adapted and what he had become
To defend himself, to get ahead, in this relentless world
Nay, the world could not be really blamed
For it is just you and me
Who have changed it all, sucked it out
Taken and snatched, left a deep bleeding gash
We became so hollow
From this much sorrow
We ceased to see anything but misery.

She was perplexed and so lost
Everything she loved seemed to have gone
But she still pursued it in full speed.
She had pledged long long ago to hurt no one
And always kept that at the back of her mind.

She stood up.
She fought.
She tried so hard to make it worthwhile
To turn every frown into a smile.
She is still looking
She is still searching
That is the only path she knows -
Fighting the good fight
But there is no end in sight.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Today And That Day!

It was the 25th. I don't know why I have this obsession where everything needs to be recorded with its correct date. I went for a walk all alone. I kept walking forward and forward and forward for more than an hour I think. And it was wonderful. Being alone is rejuvenating and relaxing. Specially the area I went to. Just enough crowd to make it seem safe but not suffocating. Just enough light to see but not to dazzle you. All of this with greenery and a hand-pump by the side of the road. But most importantly, I met this wonderful dog. His dog walker was just sitting lazily. At that moment, I don't know why, I just NEEDED to pat that dog. And he came and sniffed around me first. I would keep my hand just within his reach then pull out. He kept jumping until finally he climbed on me. He climbed thrice, I think. It was just the cutest thing. Ultimately, there was a time where I held him by his front paws. Oh, a dog's love. Never asking for anything. Always ready to listen. To cuddle and nuzzle and make it all go away. It's just beautiful and precious. I will definitely have one of my own one day! :)

And why is today important? Because I saw a few sad things. The thing is more I see it around me, the more I read about it, the more I refuse to accept it. So anti unhappiness that my status actually is 'sunshine, daisies, butter mellow' - yes actually has sunshine written on it. I sat and wondered what could make a person say that they were cold and no amount of sunshine could change that. And I looked within me. Looked and looked and looked. And for the first time in a lot of time, I did not find any demons that would make me say that. No demons! :)

I understand when people hurt themselves, I do, As in, its more difficult to change a person's mind. But being miserable because of how someone else treats you? I think we all have enough power to change that. In the end, they are just that - other people. Actually.. as I always like to say, it all boils down to choices. Choosing yourself and your sanity or choosing other people and being miserable (in this case). People, in most circumstances, can choose. The choice in itself is so hard that it honestly can't even be called a choice, be considered as an option. For most of us, its more like nothingness. More on that later. :)

Special Mention - 29th November. I was jumpy the WHOLE day and I am not exaggerating when I say I single-handedly brought up the energy level of our small group. I did it. I made two other people sing continuously, just like I do. People were actually convinced I had fallen in love because I was so happy. Just goes to show how you do not need only that kind of love to make you happy. :P
But the cutest was when my sister called me a happy birdie. Sounds so pretty. I wonder if I come across as a kid to people. I don't know. I am happy if I do!

Good Night :)

PS - Typing things here seems like speaking out into the void where no one can hear me. So, I guess it is not a big deal that this is getting sem-personal. I should probably use my journal more often because writing is good. Helps to think better. Like reading. Oh, I need to read more. Its one of my constant worries that I don't read enough.
Okay, good night! :)