Saturday, July 18, 2015

A Quote-ful Day!

Today has been a day full of quotes from here and there -

Some scary ones (which I am pretty sure were not to be interpreted in the context I interpreted them in) - Listen to me, he said, when your dreams are of some world that never was or some world that never will be, and you're happy again, then you'll have given up. Do you understand? And you can't give up, I won't let you. (Forgot the source).

Oh forgot it, I sceeenshoted the other quotes and I can't bother to look up their text version. I will upload them some other day.

I have always moaned about the fact that God skipped me when He was distributing the 'growing up' gene. I was worried I wouldn't know how to play the part when my time came. But these two years have taught me a lot. I understood what love was, selflessness was, what friendship was, what family was, what fear was and what pain was. That sometimes there seems no reason to anything. At least I think I did. Because all of these things are HUGE. And being I where I am, a college, I don't think all these emotions would be at their most intense. Maybe that's why people got to travel. To understand humans. Or maybe its the same everywhere. Who knows!?

College however, has taught me a lot. Let me correct myself - shifting out for college has. Now living alone is easier but it didn't start out that way for me. Some people are just generally excited about this way of life and all. It is pretty cool but I couldn't embrace it as easily at first.
I learnt that you are in fact an individual. And that's why you should never compete in terms of being a better person. It sounds screwed this way but I can't explain it better.
I learnt how important people are. And how to do your own thing. And how school people know you inside out and how amazing it is to catch up right from where you left off.
Recently I have also been been realizing its pretty much okay to loosen up, to say what you feel. Not like I have had any secrets.. Well, not any worthwhile ones. In any case, we have just one life. Where would we go with all the hiding and protecting others and all? In the end you will die. So why die miserable and in feeling loneliness? There are people to help you. True, they get caught up in their own lives sometimes. But if you really think of them as your own people, you shouldn't hesitate to barge open their doors and demand their attention. As a friend told me, its better to cry together with people than cry alone. Of course, I say all this in good faith. :)

Which brings me to the concept of 'new normal'. Like when things were going normal and okay. Then things deviate and you are just kept waiting for a long time for them to change back but it just doesn't. And finally it dawns on you that your current situation in fact is the new normal. I think of this in terms of my dad. But right now I won't talk about it because it hurts me to think so. I know so many people have it worse and I am thankful that I don't have enough reason to be sad. And the support we have is incredible. :)
The problem lies with my terrible mind with its terrible thoughts which has terrible dreams!

I see people around me doing much better than me at things I am supoosed to be doing. I see others who others who have every reason to curl up and give up but they don't. Probably because if they did, it would be impossible to get back up, and because of the chain system everybody else's life would be ruined. So they just suck it up.

And me? I constantly feeling this.. This opposite of void. Its like a swirling, churning, melting pot of these emotions. And they have no business being inside. But they're there. Its hard to begin some days feeling so annoyed. So you wish for all of them to go away but if they really did? I think I would be reduced to nothing.

I am what I feel, aren't I?

PS - I JUST pissed off my mom by not having my breakfast even after the third time she asked me to. Should get going. Let's end with a link to a happy thing - http://doodlealley.com/2013/10/28/fun-gets-done/
And http://doodlealley.com/2011/11/21/turn-your-pain-into-plans/
And http://doodlealley.com/2012/10/10/be-friends-with-failure/

Basically that whole website. Its SO good! :)

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