Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Two Images. Same Face.

[So I came to know that people actually read this but then this still remains my space. Oh and very conveniently everybody read about my Secret Santa because that is the ONLY aspect of my life that I write about and of course I would be stupid to even write about it when idk whatever.]

I was seeing this thing again. A lady pulling her hair out - very agitated, frustrated and hopeless. And a lady properly groomed and her lipstick in place and a big smile on her face. Somehow, she looked a little like an air hostess. Both of them had the same face. Both of them in little boxes side by side.

I have been having a hard time controlling my anger and my irritation.

I just want to say that I hate you for the things you do. But its a lie. I hate myself for what I do.
I detest your activities but that's fine too. And to the rest, I imagine throwing dung bombs at them. History repeating itself, again. I use this phrase way too much for my liking.

Its pretty much time to rethink. And accept. And change accordingly.

Thank God for Coldplay which is currently mellowing me down. Every second, every waking second is a fight and a struggle and its annoying to pause every two minutes to ease up. I am tired of saying I am done with people and then begging and being needy the very next moment. I hate all this paranoia. Their laughter is stupid. They are stupid. I still don't want to admit its up over my head. Asking for help is pointless.

I missed dad SO much yesterday. Like he was all I could see, the whole day, mid class, after class, while writing down those stupid notes. I still don't see how these two realities can coexist - like I was the one who saw all that and heard all that and it is me myself sitting in this class, laughing. Like this can't be it. I couldn't be here and there. Disassociation type things. But crying is for a private audience of one.

So in a nutshell, I am very annoyed by my thoughts. I want to be alone because I will just piss everyone off or have them looking after me. I like walking. And I like Calvin Harris and love Chris Martin. Most importantly, I would like to break about 10 things. Break and break and destroy and shout and whatever. Thank you very much.


Yeah. Nothing very interesting here. Waking up super happy. Spoiling it. Spewing hatred and then going to sleep.

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