Wednesday, December 30, 2015

All The Love That I Need! :)

So, what do I want with my life?

I keep asking this question to myself a lot and I never had an answer till today. I mean, it never struck as a whole together.

I want to be as happy and wonderfully content as I was/am yesterday and today combined. I have beautiful, beautiful people all around me - people who love me so much that it just shows without even trying. So you see I was always afraid of my faults but they have stood by me anyway. Even with my ‘perpetual cry face’. I have all the love I need. Life seemed simple – I was in that moment and I was smiling and laughing and sad because I knew that this part of my life was coming to an end.

Then, I completely let go. Okay, wait let me rewind. There I was in my bed faking studying. And my group message comes to life. There I see people as worried as I was about the future, about us. I could not stop myself from asking them to not leave. Three of us, stupid and singing and reassuring each other, wanting for it to last forever. There I found my happiness. Started talking to a childhood friend and there had been so much both of us were going through but never told each other. Realizing that we supported each other, there I found my happiness. My mother worrying about me staying up late into the night, and hugging me just because, there I found my happiness. My brother annoying me with all his lame you’re-so-stupid jokes, there I found my happiness. All of us people sharing our pictures and all of our love, there I found my happiness. Oh and when my grandmother asks me to not eat puchka paani for my bad throat, that’s happiness. And when faiba asks me if I want to have masala mudi every day that I am here, that’s happiness.  Today, I had my favouritest thing in the world for breakfast, with the people who have always looked out for me and with whom I could have always been with, (and yes, everyone knows what’s coming) that’s happiness. Sometimes, it is in the form of my super annoying sister who will never, ever, ever bother giving me a straight reply.  All of these people,  they were the same people I had been with everyday, and then I thought to myself how crazy I was to think that I was completely alone! Truly, I did have all the love I could possibly need. People who’d go out of the way if the need be. This love? It does nothing but make you strong. Invincible. [Maybe even mad, I was so happy that I wouldn’t have minded hugging Meenal. And let me tell you we never do that. Its ewwwwww. So much ewww. I think I will just take that back. I can't do that under any circumstances.]

So this coming year, I am going to focus on my light. Ask for help if I need it and learn to accept it. I will be truer and kinder. It would be so wonderful if everyone found that strength within themselves just because somebody else was a little bit kinder. Life is simple when you think along the terms of ‘Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t’. I guess I am definitely failing my papers but ending my year like this is priceless. I fear the future a lot because I don’t know where I am going or where I am doing. This year will bring new people and new places and a whole lot of work with it. But if these people are there, I have better trust that it will be okay. It is not just about protecting your light actually; it is about trusting it and harnessing it and channeling it into something beautiful. I think it ultimately leads you into being fearless, into moulding you into who you really want to be. It makes it easier for you to embrace yourself when you find it hard. Likewise, imagine the power you have to be a part of someone else’s light. Learn more about the people you care about and make sure they never give up. Care for others just because [unless of course they are one of those backstabbing, stupid, just-using-you bitches]. Maybe it is hard to find any kind of hope but try and try. Don’t turn a blind eye to the rope that is trying to pull you out. Have trust. Learn a little bit from everyone’s beauty and don’t just stop at admiring. Imbibe it. Try to find out why you and how you are limiting yourself and dedicate this year to getting past that. You’ll get there! We born and then we die and even though the period in between is mostly not knowing what the hell is happening, that period of confusion could be enjoyed so much and so thoroughly. And it would mostly be due to the people you have been blessed it. I just have one qualm though. I do wish we could bottle up such days and nights and keep them and consume them when necessary.  But I guess that’s not really living maybe.

Anyway, 2015. If I had to define it in one word, it would be ‘persistent’. 10 million times I gave up but I didn’t. I don’t know if it is wrong to be proud about that but I do know it would not have been possible without these happy pills.

So, again what do I want to be in life? Happy. What do I want from life? Happiness. Everything else is very, very secondary.

Also, a random bit from berlin artparasites about bringing in the new year –
“Don’t define yourself by everything that you regret doing in 2015. You still carry the regrets from the previous years, it’s enough. It’s enough. Start changing from now on. Define yourself by your favourite book, your favourite song, how much your mom loves you, how much your dad looks out for you, how much your sister looks up to you, how much your partner supports you, how much you love pizza, or ice-cream or whatever that makes you happy.”
Source - http://www.artparasites.com/how-to-carry-yourself-gracefully-and-realistically-into-a-new-year/

Yes, I know you’re looking out for me. Or am I just that smart that I figured everything out on my own? ;) Haha no, I know you are looking out for all of us. :)

Also, some lines by Aanchal Arora because I liked them even though I don’t love shoes that much –
“Real happiness is laughter and warmth. It is kindness and love. A pair of shoes is happiness for an hour, these things – a lifetime.”

Yeah, I know if you’d read this before you wouldn’t have to read the whole damn thing.

Haha, anyway, Happy New Year people. Sending a lot of good feels to everyone! :)

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