Sunday, November 1, 2015

Other Things I Want To Talk About

So, I was reading this tumblr - http://bipolarconfessions.tumblr.com/
and also http://www.artparasites.com/diary-of-a-borderline-girl-1-my-mortified-family-told-me-all-about-it/

These things are so dark and scary. Losing control like that over your own mind. I don't know if its cruel to say thank you for not being that way. But I relate to all things and all people (almost), and this was no different. The knowledge of the fact that it is all your fault, the feeling of exhilaration of everything being okay only to feel it all shatter a few weeks later on, the inability to ask what you want sometimes, to know that you can and have to do better but somehow failing at it and the annoying constant internal dialogues!
But its beautiful. The way, the 5th part of the BPD diary unfolds. Wait! I don't relate to everything or go through anything even close but these are happier things -

"We have more power over our mind than we are led on to believe, and we can put that energy to good use."

"I’ll never forget the deep pain I felt, nor do I deny it. I relate strongly to the ones lost in these ugly places. But I do have faith in them.

I hope they’ll eventually realize things are sometimes so simple, we won’t believe they’re true. I hope they’ll learn so much and that one day they’ll know how important it all was, how the whole chain of events, however pitiful or sorrowful, led to someone who got to meet, fight, surrender, know, befriend themselves.
There cannot be an end to an essay like this which can satisfy. Life does not offer many certainties, but it does offer the chance to reinvent, start over, leave behind the pieces which don’t match, change whenever you wish. And the best thing is, everything always changes, so however low you might feel, you can be certain of one thing: it will not be like this forever, and the energy in you will one day bloom."
Enough of that. Maybe I should put away some of this intensive reading for later on. I found this email id on one of the above which should be helpful, I don't know.
And, I know when I will finally be ready. When I won't flinch if I am asked to go through certain phases of my life again. When I can say I could face them again. Until then, the process isn't over.
Saw some other people get ahead in life again!! The sucky part is their work is so beautiful.
I don't like this post at all. Its all dark and unhappy and comes out sounding how I don't want it to. I have two questions that need answering - a why and a how.  Life = set then. Until then, let's try to not postpone the work at hand. But no, I don't want to end so stupidly. I made chocolate pudding yesterday and chopped a little of mom's hair today. Learnt some secrets. New things in life. Oh, and there used to be this goat teeth bone thing lying about in Bal Vihar (the school playground) - I think every single child in my school has seen it and made stories about it. I completely forgot about it! Until I found it all packed and wrapped inside my drawer while cleaning it out. Yes, I am the weirdest child everrr!! Found the twin of a paper bracelet I had given away. I had given the better one away. Feel like building bridges today. Please tell me its a very bad idea! :O
I miss talking to people!:( 

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