Thinking

I feel like I'm unhappy that I'm not doing work but then I am myself what work is urgent and I come up with nothing. So I'm kind of confused.

I can't figure out if I'm unhappy that I don't have enough work out stress about the trip or generally spending time on texting? Maybe it's all three. I'm chasing productivity and ending up with straws and it's a bad feeling for me. It's my business and I ask what there is to do? I have to keep reminding myself of next steps and that's not very boss like?

With texting, there's new stuff thats come up. There are so many questions about studying abroad that I didn't even think to ask and here I am, already delayed (yet again) with applications. I keep thinking if I'll end up being the person who's unhappy abroad. Could be? Then I think I should try anyway. Everybody bears this cross but comes out of it.. in their own way. So next steps for that also. But thanks for getting across these things to me. 

Also.. it's a new sensation. The sensation of trying to describe your life to a complete stranger who has no context and kind of has to take you on your word. This world building task is fun and challenging. Suddenly I'm conscious of my life as a third person. I can now carefully pick at the pieces, the things I consider my building blocks. I can listen to the stories I tell myself and believe. It's not like I knew these things about me but now I can psycho-analyse myself a tiny bit more objectively. Hmm.  🙇🏻‍♀️

I'll not like though, sometimes typing so much becomes tiring. Distracting. The alternative to an illusion can never be as shiny and promising. So there we are! :)

To getting the opportunity to push myself enough! Yesss.