Big Social Energy

What a social day today. Four different encounters. Here's some things I had to share:

1) One of my fav feelings in the world is to make people feel at home 💕and the other fav is to be feeling at home somewhere else. Might be fleeting and imperfect, yet at home feels warm.

2) To not react rashly... Maybe? As in sometimes things feel (emotionally) overwhelming. Or something I can't ever agree with. I want to be better than off the handle reactions. I honestly thought I was patient and it's hard to be more patient, but it's also good sometimes to think through things.

3) I have a feelings wheel now. Given to me by F. It is incredulous to not recognise what you're feeling and name it. (I was going to use the word 'weird' but okay and weird are not to be used as descriptors anymore). I felt a lot of things today. People, comments, micro behaviours, tilt of the body even. Again, had felt perceptive about knowing my mood shifts but somewhere I think the mind rememebrs these subtle signs. Mine stores this away as future indicators of how to be as a person. Kinda shocking but also unsurprising no? It's an unlearning to not just carry on with life but pause and think about what just happened in those micro seconds. 

4) I'm not really there yet but being aware leads to well, more awareness. To differentiate between the act, what you interpreted it as and what the original thought (of the do-er) was. The decision to do anything about it, to react to anything even is the most peaceful and helpful when all the 3 are taken into consideration. Can we make our decisions based on the truths we see? Do we even see things truthfully for what they are?

5) I asked F last time whether people ever are what they think they are. Paraphrasing it, sometimes we are. Other times we let our own worldview mould facts into self fulfilling prophecies that suit us. Again don't hope to be a perfect rational person ever. The idea of insulation though, the idea that you know you and understand you irrespective of what were to happen outside is empowering. Honestly I'd choose it as relationship no #1.

6) Inner child is real but she shows herself only when you speak kindly. I think she longs for the things you give out into the world. Welcome her with the most joyful hug.

7) In the end even relationship no #1 won't give you perfect answers. It helps you decide but it can't choose for sure. As in, understanding your needs/being self aware is one thing and making decisions about choosing a path and owning it is a separate skill set.

8) See baa struggle with basic physical functions sometimes or ask for emotional support - life is way too fucking short and we are too fragile to waste it on things that don't matter (conversely do this by not working on things that do matter to you). Pause to reflect. More of bone crushing hugs and moments of love, check. Also yes, please please always make that ask.

Gilmore Girls background score is playing on a loop now in my head. The one where characters miss somebody else or have made a mistake or have hurt someone else's feelings in choosing their happiness. It's the such-is-life one. 🍉