Unreliable Accounts

 A few days I had brought up an unfavorable situation I found myself in. Yesterday, it led to a head-on conversation. 

It struck me that time that we are all unreliable story-tellers. Correction: I am. This is because I am central to the situation. The truthfulness of any event is obscured by my feelings and emotions about it. Perhaps that is why we created institutions for justice - more than even the punishments, it perhaps was the closure of having something more reliable than just a person's account of an event. The relief of having concrete evidence and a support system on your side to legitimize your experience of something having happened.

It taught me that maybe I would fail to produce solid proof of what I felt. That didn't mean I had to ignore my gut. Maybe I could choose my course of action without understanding the why at this point. Somethings I somehow feel to be true. In hindsight, it wasn't good to talk about it - to her or to others. With others, it's just my version of events and I don't want that anymore. With her, well.. no one likes being on the defensive. She was right when she asked who was complaining. I was and nobody else. It's like I had been trying to prove a point but nobody had disagreed with it in the first place. You know when you're over-zealously trying to fight for something and somebody says yes okay sure but what next and then your zeal leaves you because you knew your world to exist only up to that very point and have to take a breath and sit because yes what is next.