Weird twanging pain in left side off left leg

Ouch it's quite sharp and it keeps hurting consistently like I've pulled a muscle or some crap. Wonder what it is.

Good stuff is I could run again today, no high ankle pain today. Touchwood. A week or more so ago, I met SK. That was good too - to meet someone like me and actually just sit and talk. Of course there's no point in reading too much into any friendship, especially a budding one but honestly it felt like a relief. M and me know driving!!! So we get to take the keys to places!!! Of course I don't get to drive much while she's here but oh fucking God I felt like my Delhi flat self after so long. (Bye M and sad to see my key to freedom also leave with you).

Which brings me to the next part I want to talk about. Not like I'm a sorted bundle anyway but since day before (or yesterday?) I have been feeling so many things that it feels wild to actually think about these remote issues one by one by one, like flicking channels. I couldn't get through my paper again and so the number of papers I've passed gets reset to zero and all that effort for nothing. And I put in so much work! Good that it's the last time I could give this one maybe.. because I don't know what I could have done extra. What additional 1% brain I could have used. It does kind of suck. So I don't let my mind go into directions it wouldn't serve itself in.

Of course also the fight with A. What she was saying isn't technically something I can fight with but it's sometimes so tiring to feel that whatever expectations I have from a friendship are too much. Some of the lines said were about pretending that modern communication devices do not exist and some people are just not "organized" enough to keep in touch. Or that it requires too much of time and energy which are limited resources and idk how you could say that to your friend even if you didn't mean it. And if you did, then okay, I guess your friend could give you that. Preserve time and energy. But obviously only after a temper tantrum. I'm glad I realized one thing though - that I could let myself off the hook if I let her off the hook too. I guess I finally did it this time, not keep her involved in the day to day.

Whatever. I don't have anyone to pretty gossip about this.

I want to feel reckless again and yet sometimes the place feels it's closing in more and more. And I can't figure out an exit. So yeah pretty apprehensive. My dreams are not made for this place.

Okay I already shut my eyes twice while typing. Guess the daiquiri is catching up. I'll be back venting letters again. Bye!