Moving: On Rejection

I've missed quite a few days posting about happiness and it doesn't mean it hasn't been happy. Contrarily, I have had a few nice experiences - cycling back with a prospective friend asking about his home and home is my favourite conversation topic nowadays, having a friend wait back for me at university for hours only so I can ask her and have clarity about things, heartfelt hugs and again I really miss the warm ones and I tear up a little when I get them, I only recently hugged Sro like I used to hug mom (sit down and ask her to come closer and put my hands around her waist - it felt alien and strange because that belonged on some other body, only it came naturally), getting a 10, having a hardworking boy validate me (irdk why this felt good but it did), coming home to find so so so many errands done, having seen another person from my hometown who actually gives a shit about me and is trying to look out for me, listening to Van Gogh talk to, and about, his brother, so many many things..

Great, now this has ruined my bitching mood which I came here to do. I've been getting rejected a lot lately. From my (technically) peers because we are bunched together in the same class, from that girl who thought it was perfectly okay to put her bag on the chair between us so I just awkwardly had lunch adjacent to them and not with them IN SPITE of literally having worked with me a half hour ago, from the other girl who kind of yes did brush me off (twice I think), my roommates when I put up a smart suggestion, from the lady at the boutique today who wouldn't buy anything from us, from E who made me wait and then was like I could proceed because she was okay staying back like the fuck, K who isn't giving me important information anymore and literally just taking opinions, from A who I didn't even propose in the first place!! My body is also rejecting me and my brain is rejecting information. Point being, it's been quite a lot of it. Just here to say that I have to kind of expect this from some people. I've been thinking and have to slowly push the blame from off me. It's not me. Thoughtlessness is the unfortunate byproduct of youth, along with the supreme cockiness. Since I can't change that, I have to internalize the fact that this is perhaps all I'll get from some people and that's okay. The ball is in my court to let it go because they're.. kids. 

Kindness, I feel, is a good mark of maturity. I can't hold grudges against immature people, insecure and trying to prove a point to everybody. No matter what the cost to them or anyone else. I hope for everybody else's sake that at some point they do manage to grow up. It sounds patronizing but I have to do this or else I'll be holding myself accountable for somebody else's actions.

Other than that, yeahh, there is good so to remember that. To remember that if I'm rejected for being a certain kind of person, I'm not that type of person that they chose for me to be. I'm allowed to change, switch or just do my thing. It's impossible for somebody else to box me. To remember that even if there is good, it doesn't mean that there will not be bad times and uncomfortable times. These times will come but I can just get through them smoother if I can accept them for what they are. The times. Those moments of time in this life. The shape of discomfort changes but it probably, most certainly doesn't fully go.

Now I must sleep without having done any substantial work but having a plan to go out tomorrow. Again, I manage to do that. Exams in 2 weeks. Alas.