In Love

I am in love with the domesticity of today, the mundanity. 

The weather is just right, there is a soft breeze with a hint of rain. Everything has become greener. It's really dreamy. I thought this was unseasonal rain. Mom said cyclonic. Then I saw raw mangoes today right before my practice (kaachiiii kerriiiiiii) and remembered my friend Shris who always knew it was Kalbaisakhi. I was feeling bad about the crops and farmers because that's how it is and then Aru told me but that's how mangoes get made. They receive a short shower and then the long, endless heat of summer. I thought to myself how beautiful this cycle is, nature preparing everything in time and mangoes will soon know its their time to grow. When it hit me, I couldn't believe I forgot Kalbaisakhi!! How did I? It happens every year. Maybe because this time Shris wasn't there to remind me on time.

I saw this beautiful purple flower today, in one of faiba's babies. 

These bloom very rarely. The last time I saw them, I thought I'd press them. But they die in half a day, literally. I came back today from the rehersal and true to character, they were gone. Does somebody pluck them? I don't think so. But they're gone and they ooze a purple liquid. Very pretty. I also took pictures of the below baby rolls. I quite like them, I imagine they would be like Groots. No but really, they come all tightly rolled into the world and then bloom. How do they know what to do?

The rehersal today was good because we finally started using backing tracks. Basically, I keep moving from one foot to the other with the rhythmn of everything but it's a song about poverty and struggles. Yet I can't stop because somebody one day sat and wrote down this piece of music the way they did and it's captivating and melodic. Our practice got over soon enough but I was enamoured by the duets the soloists are doing. I sat and listened to them. Omar, Kajal, Marius (what the fuck is his real name?), Richard (Rajesh is his real name but I always think his name is Richard) all of them have beautiful and powerful voices. I kind of recorded their voices without their consent, something about the stupid human need to capture beauty when you really, absolutely can't. I mean are pictures ever as good as what you see? K and M are doing two love songs (In My Life!!!) and really killing it. I hope singers know how special they are. Cami's singing voice is so lovely! It's the kind of voice that can convince you that it's in love. I ask myself how did I end up beginning my Sundays to live Western theatre music in Jamshedpur? How does that happen? Rewatched Everything, Everywhere All At Once yesterday and in Jobu Tupaki's words: it's a statistical inevitability. Still like Michelle Yeoh, life feels special. Like you could choose to love an ordinary life. Then everything about it seems significant, important, beautiful and worthy. Yeah very one track and on brand Khush.

I went for a short drive, this time towards Dobo side. At some point, I realised I was low on fuel and also mom would be waiting for lunch, so did not actually reach Dobo. But the driveeee. Ridhi didn't put many of her songs so they were my songs, from Meenal's playlist. The coolness and the breeze and the open windows and the popcorn trees in full bloom all over the city and the lushness and the smell of that lushness in the rain and quietness and the lack of rush. In that moment, I might have audibly sighed. With that music, everything felt too much. 

Then I started watching this serial about a Gujarati family, the funny kind. Happy Family *Conditions Apply. Family comedy stuff is usually nice and heart warming? 🥺 But I mostly picked up curse words from there because I realised I didn't know how to do that in Gujarati. Haha. I sat on the jhula, an actual fucking jhula inside my house. How do I get to have that? I got to dance again. I got to drive around again. Like I knew I would. Some people to share my stories and the day with.

That's the thing. I can't stop being in love. I can't stop being in love with my yellow dress, I can't stop being in love with how the yellow dress flies when I do my ballet turns in my hawai chappals across my living room hall, my curls that just won't let go of Holi colour no matter how many times I shampoo, I can't stop loving my mom calling me her grandma because I'm keeping track of all that she does, I can't stop loving the fact that I get to drive, that I don't have to imagine a life without it, I can't stop loving the loveliest teenagers-falling-for-each-other story I read on Reddit. The world seems to beckon to me to hear it's stories, to catch the arc of wonder and see where it takes me.

I am thankful about how I gave myself time to put off work today, I love that I could sit in the privacy of my terrace yesterday. 

I feel too much. On most days feeling too much feels like a curse, a horrible and embarrassing thing. On days like today though, when my configuration allows me to feel this way, (yes, really allows - I don't know if everyone experiences a heart full of joy and awe and wonder and contentment in the same way) I feel incredibly lucky. Something is right with me.

C'est la romantique 🤌🏼

What a beautiful day :)