Update - My Rejection Routine ✨

I got rejected yesterday and just a few notes because I've never been here before:

1) immediately - feel sad and upset, feel like hmm but now I know, feel very very humbled, want to talk about it, reach out to a new old friend who encouraged you to be direct, try to move past by talking and doing other things, laugh about it w others because it was the stupidest long shot (lightens things but doesn't take away the ding)

2) feel really happy about how it went - first because I said it, second because of the space and understanding and my own agency in that situation and third didn't come out feeling too horrible <also that I didn't apologize - i realized i felt like doing it because i broke up a good flow but got to say what you need 💪🏼 maybe next time in a less abrupt way haaahh>

3) drop a text acknowledging that too

4) receive a friendly text back and thereby close that chapter

5) discover your rejection background soundtrack huh

6) feel sad but also enjoy because so curious about it

7) what do I want? why does it feel bad?

8) cry

9) allow myself to feel bad, realize it's more inside than I thought, stop saying 'it's okay' full time

10) feel hopeful that there might still be good people in this world, who will give that much space, in the future too

11) keep hearing that fucking soundtrack in your head

12) realize people mean much more than what they can be for you and there is so much value in that. some things can be a good influence anyway na? also understand how much I like hope and optimism and simplicity and honesty. that the game is so clean that it doesn't feel like a game.

13) open bumble, look at quality of men and think ugh can't do this rn

14) stop yourself from distracting yourself 

15) feel lethargic next day but push through it because work 

*also google when you wake up why this happened but bunk it because how does it matter, strongly believe in taking people at their word and feel so lucky and proud for being the person who takes peoples words at face value

**pay attention to how much i've ignored in irl and go fuck 

16) find out that one of your fav authors has written something that feels so relatable and personal today, finally write to her about it. discover that sending love to good writers is a lovely lovely secret pleasure.

17) realize it feels like optimism and simplicity didn't want you, but

18) stalk his productivity levels the only way you can and feel so annoyed at that, it's a competition i wanted to win 

19) cry more but ugly cry doesn't happen only

20) try to establish a new equation and see how it feels but respect own boundaries 

21) put on an older romcom, maybe there is joy in hurting myself, perhaps then I can ugly cry. don't ugly cry still but feels happen. 

22) put on old, sad songs about longing. more like try because unfortunately don't know enough songs in that genre. mentally tell myself to do r and d for next time.

23) realize there's some behavioural feedback i'd like to give because there's room for improvement lol

24) ballet so so hard and channel all heartbreak into foot/ab/back work, do well. feel lucky that they are still your songs and visualize.

25) sing along to sad tracks + roya re because rejection era

end of day of respectable rejection. 

2023 been interesting so far.