UPDATESS ✨

Going to try my best to not over-explain and rationalize.

I feel good, I feel nice. I feel warm. I enjoy giving. I like taking too but giving feels so warm. I like seeing people happy. I like creating insider secrets and spilling beans. I like trying to make other people spill beans too. I like making people feel comfortable and valued. I love talking. Obviously, it has to be a two way thing. While talking I realized how forceful I am with those I think of as my people - give me a problem and I'll try to solve the shit out of it. It's funny because solution is also from my pov only so have fun with that.

So weird no that I was talking about kindness and affection yesterday? Because in the end that's what he said too: not sweet, not pretty but that it was kind. That was the root of it, isn't it? I couldn't piece the how yesterday or why the word seemed fit but it did come from a place of kindness.

Kindness is so so vital. I find it so lacking. Maybe I have higher standards of kindness that I seek. I've spelt kind and kindness so many times now that it's losing its meaning. I think with almost everything else I sort of understand: insecurity, not being opinionated, having image control issues, being boring, I don't know. I don't always get where it is coming from but I am understanding of it. I think there are too many expectations from the world on a person anyway. It was a long journey to understand that and now I understand for others too. But being cruel is something I won't get, ever. Hard pass. It's so difficult to even be around such people. 

I think I'll continue to update and write as I process and overthink.

Also, Last Date™ was not last date, turns out. Can only believe it when it happens but seemed enthu only. So real Last Date also we'll gossip about later. 

To being kind and receiving kindness! :)