Living with intention and other things

I've been wanting to clear my head every morning, for some mornings now. Otherwise I end up doing all the things I didn't want to prioritize because they were easy. Today writing seems like an important task. I was watching Karwaan (again) and I love the pace of the movie. I think the music guides it? In fact, I heard one of the Prateek Kuhad tracks yesterday morning and made up my mind to watch it then. It's for sure escapism also. Takes me away to a distant slow moving world. For those few minutes, I end up liking Dulquer Salmaan also haha. Yesterday I even realized the parallels it has with other movies about men wanting to pursue photography (other xyz passion but mostly photography) and their fathers being 'practical' about it and the whole stuck in dead-end job and life seems to be stuck. So maybe the storyline isn't completely unique, it is all in the execution. Especially the moment with Rumi where he realizes he's also like his dad. I'm also becoming like my mom so #relate.

I'm thinking of all the things I've to get done today and there's quite a few of them. I wanted to write about them but lost the will to. All tasks are writing stuff that will require all my faculties. Ensure that both of them go to the doctor too but then if I go too, I'll never get my work done. Dropping off V too. I need to be kinder to her too! I'm being full adult on her and expecting her to adult because it's annoying me that she is that phase where you try to assert your independence and individuality and all you're doing is copying other people even more. I need to remember she's not around a lot of people her age and that she's needed to lie about things sometimes. It's hard. Feels like I'm just running around doing things for people. I'm getting really annoyed about having to pick up stuff full time just because I'm going out everyday. No, I don't feel like making 5t different stops, leaving the car and picking up all that extra stuff, do some work yourself also. :/ Now V also piles on for things like tape which is so readily available everywhere. I'm just complaining because I feel how tired I'm getting. Maybe it's the three ballet classes I did in a week too. Who knows? I enjoy them but I'm sure they're mad exhausting for my body because I'm constantly trying to do better and harder and that just means more strain on my muscles.

On top of all this, I also have to start looking at what I'm fed because I'm sick of the food, all potatoes all day. I can't complain anymore because it'll just make my mood bad. Anyway if I have to move out I'll have to do everything for myself and there won't be anyone to help me. So dealing with it.

Oh and I wanted to write about actual Last Date (TM). It was much fun. Obviously it was a morning plan, duh. We went to BBC and played Jenga there. There are pictures somewhere that I'll attach. I won the first game (and I'll maintain even the second because he moved and let the fan knock down that tower). 

Found them!

I came in the frame for these two and the rest are shitty. The tower went on for higher than this and he cheated also. I played with too much usool. Note the base of the tower! I was so reluctant to use the middle pieces because they're easy shit. What's the point then? But yeah, competitive side. 

Then we went to XLRI and I saw the whole campus for the first time and it's cute in parts. Rest of it is clinical, as would be expected. I didn't even eat anything inside. It was too hot. Here are some XLRI pictures too!

Shoes look very aunty!

So yeah, all in all it was good? I think I felt a tiny bit more comfortable this time. Oooh, I also received a joint as a parting gift because I'd said that I would have maybe smoked up if I was around people who did. I'll also show the bookmarks when I find them. 

To come to the most aha moment of this whole thing, it was on that day that I realized that there was a great probability that he judged me as *drumroll* someone dumb. I talk too much right? There's a stereotype of a social, confident and talks too much girl. He made these generalizations and statements that seemed to point that he thought I'm that. This was strange to me because I've never been in this position before. I didn't feel the need to prove anything otherwise but wow. I told him flat out that he's too judgemental and I guess he had nothing to say to that.

I also think he's not too used to girls being super independent. He seemed to be borderline impressed with things I'd do. It was a little out of his realm of Things Women Do. I don't even do all that much.

So, that's that!

I was stilllll shinyyy for a while after. It's fading slowly now. Now how to create controversy in my life? As it turns out, creating controversy is addictive. But it's nerve wracking to do this all over again and explain again to someone new how I am and what I want. I maybe had a good chill thing but I don't believe it comes by so easy. It's hard to be that person who is out there laying down their cards and listening to what comes after. Not enjoyable. I'll see though, about that.

I underestimate the time it takes to empty my mind and write it down. I'm getting late to work now. Will do more empyting later. Tata! :)