Trip, one day after

I want to do a detailed analysis but there is one important thing to do while this is still fresh, while I can squeeze my eyes and still pretend I'm in Kerala - it's to remember this superhuman feeling.

I feel I can do anything and be anyone. I feel I should try more things because mostly I'll just fail and that's not even that bad. The more you fail, the more you know what works. By 'mostly', I didn't mean that I'll fail because I'm not good enough. I meant it as a numbers game, I want to try so many things that due to sheer probability numbers I fail at them. I suddenly don't feel embarrassed or fazed. I mean I'm sure I did embarrass myself but I'm okay with it. I didn't have concrete plans and I was okay with it. I missed things and I was okay with it. I knew I had a bad weird mood coming and I was okay with that too. Not to mention my kind of wardrobe malfunction situation, I got over it too. I've told people to move or that I don't want to speak to them. I was harrassed but I managed that, in my way. The equanimity was (is?) unexpected and amazing. :)

I feel better knowing that there are good and kind people in this world, my belief seems reinforced in that. I'm very glad about that. Throughout, there have been people that have shown small acts of kindness. All I had to do was put on my biggest smile and ask. :) Ooh, my smile defo works! 🤯

I also felt courageous, going up to people to find out things. But I had to.

I'm glad people liked me for me, without the baggage of my work, my family, city, college or any of that shit. No one knew me from before but was happy to hang out with me. I'm glad I liked other people and was gripped by what they had to tell me. I found inspiration in everyone. I remembered the different kinds of perspectives that exist in the world. That in the grand scheme of things, there is no wrong or right because everybody is on their own trip. I kind of forget that here. Oh I also managed to introvert on my own terms btw?? I fucked off like it was the most natural thing to do, I wasn't scared like I usually am.

This has made me excited to go find new adventures. TO MOVE! I would still feel guilty but it will feel okay because I badly want this now, I was so happy with it. I want to find my way and do silly stuff and moving might be it.

I took chances and did stupid stuff. Like get day drunk lol in a city I had no idea about. Like we still were on the road, going from one place to next. But it was okay - I was in control. People (mum) told me that going out with the fisherman into the sea was stupid too but I'm not counting that, I think people do that often enough. I was scared doing that though. That I was. It was the fricking Arabian Seaaaaaa. I drunk texted a boyyyt. Because again I wanted to. It wasn't anything scandalous, rather the opposite of it. I told him I knew what I was doing, actually. I don't know if he wanted to talk to me then, but he does now. Lollll. I'll ask him sometime. First time writing to a boy too. Hope he gets ittttt!

My brain got such a vacation from worrying about home and work and school and things to do. I was right there in that day thinking about what to do. One day at a time. Somewhere some neurons are thanking for me for this. I did like the option though of having my phone, of coming back and telling somebody that my day was shit or the sunrise was beautiful or that I met good people. I liked that. :)

I am so happy that I made this happen for me. It's just 20 odd days into 2023 and I fulfilled something I've wanted to, for years. Of course I'm worried waiting for the other shoe to drop. In this moment though, I really really realllllllyyy feel invincible. 🌟

Now I'm going to use a little bit of this inspo, a little bit of that type A organization and try my hardestestestest to keep making things happen. :)