Mastering the basic bitch airport look

This is the last thing I thought I would title this post but that’s what I have been doing. With my one cabin bag and the excuse me what’s in the vegetarian meal before accepting it and my non-coffee sugar-water-tasting-mega expensive double chocolate drink cup and my typing on the way back from the airport (and my denim jacket and umm blue hair).

I wanted to do this in the airport, but I got occupied. I wonder about people who work on their systems in the airport and the air of importance that surrounds them. What is so urgent that shakes people from the basic everyday human stupor of waiting? Hmm. Can’t trust people who want to be busy while they wait, honestly.

Deborah Levy has surprised me again. Just when I was starting to think that ooh her standards have dipped in the third book and what is this basic half-assed attempt? Not half-assed but not as shook as I got from reading the first two. But what is it they say about the best books being the ones that you find when you need them? With her Real Estate I don’t wonder about the big things, I wonder about my small ones, personal ones. Do I want chairs? Do I want spoons? What plant would I like? Would I be willing to have a tree outside my window to stare at? What if it blocked the light? As she draws inspiration and really introduces me to the women and their ideas before me, I like to sit and think. She has lovely ideas about old women being difficult and building homes, but I like to visualize right beside her. It is like sitting by a river watching the water flow by.

Her being in love with her life 😊

(Quite ironic though, reading about powerful individual stories about women and yet it was the air hostess that requested the passenger in front of me to not lie down and cause discomfort to me)

Brings me to things I have been thinking about the past few days with not enough time to type down. Things that I associate with good living, I guess and to my surprise slowly I found it all linking back to N! It’s creepy to write about someone who probably will read this but I write for posterity, for myself:

• being in love with life: means having preferences, means being particular about how you want some things to be and building on that; this is growing on me
• being curious about life: means listening and reading about ideas and events that have no bearing directly on you; knowing just to know
• attention is love: attention is a complete love language by itself; I think it can do wonders for others – they blossom like flowers when someone is curious to know
• coming at life with gratitude: if even today is more than I asked, imagine the overwhelm at having everything else; I am most deeply happy when I truly truly believe everything is much more than I asked yet received, it works more than any gratitude practice
• sharing after glass half full, okay fine at least quarter full: its usually in the context of self-care but due to my ongoing therapy discussion I see it in the context of loving and accepting yourself; it doesn’t work if you support others constantly until you have looked at yourself and embraced you

I was seeing Federer quit and how his supposed biggest professional rival cried for him because he shared that pain. How that is something so lovely to aspire for. Another guy, who because of Federer never won Grand Slams (or was it Wimbeldon?), remarked that the legacy of Federer is what he did off-court when no one was looking. To win love, respect and admiration outside of career and accomplishments is hard.

This is not about doing this at a scale which is that grand, that professional success itself is hard to replicate. It’s about doing it at a tiny scale, your scale. Because there is a universality to these emotions. The stories told most fondly about paapa are ones where he helped people and took a chance on them. It’s a wonderful way to be remembered by!

Talking of universality, it’s been all blending for me. How is Baa crying any different from when aunty is crying next to A from when I sleep beside mom just because; from when P is so unsure and confused to me not taking decisions on time from R carefully listening to others life plans and thinking of her own from the PhD person on Twitter who said they didn’t know what they were doing until they started; from my co-passenger refusing food on flight assuming he would have to pay extra to S always finding cheaper alternatives; from mom feeling guilty about taking a vacation to me thinking about home constantly while making plans to move; even from Karan Johar talking about nepo kids on his show to Chelsea making videos on nepo era; from.. I think the gist is clear. It might be unclear because I am writing this paragraph after reaching home and a break and so I have forgotten everything and will try again. Basically, the emotions and behaviours play out the same way. Seeing the wider world gives you more experiences to draw parallels from, I guess? The triggers are different, yes, but they turn out feeling the same so many times. The KJo thing is about world order, though. Cycles of privilege and power.

My stomach is hurting a little with all that sugar water even though I heard the usual your stomach is not a dustbin refrain while drinking it. Sigh. Off to sleep now.

To taking more space, less silence and more smiley-faced arrows.