Boo Bitch

I have been thinking of the mind-body relation after well, 2 weeks of being sick. A year of being on-and-off sick. It's mostly been easy, common medical stuff that escalated a bit: boils, two styes, stomach upset, cold and oh wait covid. This has meant general life disruption.

The thing is, when the body is sick the mind freezes and can't think of anything beyond. Currently though, physically I'm okay but my mind is so exhausted and done and tired that I can't bring myself to do anything. I tried keeping some clothes away because they annoy me and I got exhausted halfway. I don't want to use my brains to make decisions or plans or even work. I don't care about anything and want to just lie straight without moving. There are two things I like at the moment: EdX and sugar food (not in that order) and that's the only thing I want to do. I haven't even looked at the markets for a couple of days now. I don't have the energy to eat!!! I'm hungry but looking at food is annoying. But I'm eating. Half the medicines are for after food. I've even ordered a good sandwich for now but I'm already not interested in it.

I really don't know how people with chronic conditions are supposed to look after themselves. All of this crap has taught me that if you're mentally down you're never going to have enough energy to plan or take a step. It's best if people are just handed out solutions really. Which.. brings me to the even more sad realization that getting sick is a rich person luxury. If you're chronically in pain and need medical attention, special diet and exercise or any kind of expertise, you need to be able to afford that. Among things that money can't afford? A support system. Sickness is taxing and hand-holding helps. Having people do some stuff for you, helps. It's true that people have to make decisions for themselves but that shit is hard.

For me, it's all been very sobering. I think of foreign healthcare and how medicine is not as cheap and accessible as over here. I become sad thinking of handling sickness alone, somehwere else. Considering getting some help myself so that bacteria stop attacking me for fun. Honestly, tried DIY and clearly it doesn't stick. Someone tell me exactly what is wrong with me and what to do now.

Here's to making the most of good days! :)