Update (2)

NALSAR  officially disappeared.

*Dum-dum-dum*

This I don't understand. I understand not being interested, I understand trying and leaving. I don't understand being interested jussst enough to take a number and then fucking off. This is the second time this has happened. Or is the one time asking called trying? 🐙 It's tiny annoying. And also humbling. Can't continuous feel glamorous no then. 🧠

About the break. I think I'm better, can participate in things. Haven't figured out yet what I want but it's there somewhere in the back of my mind to prioritize these things. I also went back because of this crazy pathological need to. I can't yet gauge effectively when I'm allowed to be petty and when not. Trying. Can't completely stop meanwhile.

Also while taking a break I couldn't relax but then I got time to relax but I already had written on planner. So doing one two things per day.

I spoke about privilege about how I can have goals because life is okay for me, work not too hard and roof and food done. It's true but I also know I am trying. I just wanted to tell myself that. 🌙 Nobody else ever might so I need to. It's working hard with my privilege no? I am working from this huge building of privilege but still working. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also want to be able to kick back and relax now. It's one of the last left bastions of achievement for me. To sit, discover some good music, laugh (a lot), go near water maybe and drink a little and flirt. Cheers. Guess I'll just have to schedule this too!

I'm a little jealous you know of people who can kick back and really really enjoy life. Who are calm and generally happy and make the best of situations. ✨ People who don't... fear enjoyment.

I hope people never look this blog up though. I have written quite a few weird things up here. It would be similar to exposing older tweets. 🤭

Its okay Khush, it's okay. We are going to make our life happen. 💕