Saturday, May 6, 2017

All Things Fall Off.

It's a good thing.
All things fall off because you don't need them anymore.
And it will suck at first, specially if you started out with less.
Actually no, correction, it might suck when you have less but one day you will realize while lazing about that you don't need much. When I realized that, it really was like a burden lifting off my shoulders. It was. Because suddenly I didn't have to run after a lot of things, I didn't need to keep people. I obviously can't stop trying or stop maintaining relationships. But after some point, you do surrender. Or should at least. Idk. I have read accounts from people from both the camps and well, ya.
I am angry today. Angry about things that I have the power to change, things that I don't just can't, things that I am but more about things I am not.
I think we've been so fed by the idea of what could be that we have given up on what is. Outside and inside.
And I am scared of accepting the bad because maybe it never will change then or maybe because it will make all the other parts any less.
I don't know where I am going with this actually.
Bear with me for a second more.
I am angry that what matters was lost and it's taking so much time to find it back. There is so much shit all around it that it's going to take  a lot of why's to get to the core of it. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just like a big bag of not required. But I need to strip all to the core. It's tough.
Need to pressure just the right amount. A lit bit under or over and it breaks.
It's a battle you fight alone and it's exhausting because it's a battle you just don't seem to win. And you get too caught up and if you are not caught up with that, you get caught up with bad TV.
Somehow I need to believe that this struggle is good.
That I will bridge the chasm to where I need to be; who I need to be.
But that requires patience. Shit tons of it.
And belief that I will actually get there.
Life doesn't have a fixed linear path always and sometimes you divert. Which is good, experience wise. And well, no mistakes other than untaken decisions.
Isn't it scary and empowering (although more scary) that it's all up to me?

Good night :)

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