Kinda lots to say?

I have much to say but all crying done and can't start again. Mind is very powerful in making you think and believe things. Even about yourself. Even generating feelings towards yourself to move ahead or back. I hate how society and everything else functions. 

I hate that doing one thing you love sometimes means distancing yourself from other loves. I hate that you can't demand love and care from anyone, not your family, your best friend nor your matches. No one is obligated to give shits. I hate that I know, think and rationalize enough to not allow myself to be sad sad properly. I don't want to already have an answer for everything. Anger is good. It's good. This I can live with.

It's I think deeper, it's not this boy, not him completely. It's him reminding me of everything that I'm afraid of. Fear that feels absolute, overwhelming and inescapable.