Second night in a row? Or third?

Just Googling away the hurt you know, very casual low-key sleepless nights. Trying to give names to things I feel, figure them out and maybe see if Tiny Buddha comes through haha.

So here I come across this -

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/09/read-this-if-your-friends-are-all-moving-on-without-you/

Every word of this true.

Super true.

It's easier when you are doing the moving (subconsciously, of course). Otherwise, you're just the angry useless oaf.. like me right now. But hey so what if I couldn't find what Tiny Buddha had to say about this, Thought Catalog has very widely advised me that it's a normal part of growing up and something I have to go through it.

Trying so hard to be a good person right now. Trying to understand and be rational. Remember how much the world DOESN'T revolve around me. Trying to remember the responsibilities I have towards myself, to expand my own horizons. Reminding myself when all else fails, discipline and routine will help and that these also take work. Reminding myself  this is a phase and temporary and love will come. It always does. Trying to help everybody else when in fact, all I want to do is be angry and shout and just throw a general hissy fit. It takes energy to keep pushing yourself to do the right thing when everything in you is resisting it.

Glad though, that I realize all of the above. A couple of years I would have felt this to be the default of my existence. Rationally, after all of the therapy and MEDITATION, my brain can sense that this too shall pass. That phrase has a deeper meaning now. Thank you Dr S and Tamara Levitt.

Character building is super excruciating. 

So, I listen to Troye Sivan and instead feel sad for all the trouble LGBTQ+ community go through. :(

(Alternately also feel happy at how gentle some of his tunes sound hehe)