#DreamDiary6
I had a pretty rough day and went to sleep at 4. And oh my God.
It starts with me and Nayantara (my boss). We are working together and I am sitting on her lap (?). Suddenly I lose control over my faculties. I can't see anything and when I try to speak it's an inebriated man's (woman's?) slur. My in dream conscious mind questions whether I smoked up that day. (The answer was no).
I slowly regained my abilities for a bit and I tried to explain to the whole team that something is wrong. Soon after, it happens again. I am very disoriented and everything is dark. I fumble to the switch board and nobody is helping me. Then L comments at me saying oh look she is going to switch on the light and sniggers. I finally hear the sound of a generator and realize there's no light. I stumble back to the guys and keep having these attacks. I also remember thinking if I could just get out of the disoriented zone. If only. Through a lot of struggle and will power, I finally managed to say that I was in control, and I will get over it. It took me every ounce of will power and concentration that I had to say that one sentence. My conscious mind knew I had to avoid the blank spots and move towards the safe spots where there are tangible things but my mind would not listen. Think I can't explain this well enough. This is something like knowing you have a nightmare and then your mind signals you to "wake up" to make it okay.
Slowly it turned out that Nayantara wanted me lost. She wanted me to get a bipolar disorder or demonstrate that I had one. She was creating triggers.
So I turned to Meenal for help. I called her, I dragged her by the hand. Every time I could hear her and feel her but I knew it wasn't her. Nayantara had managed to re-create a fake sensation thing. And that fake thing was fake reassuring me that she is coming and not to worry and be okay.
That's when I fully freaked out. I started running and she was running behind me with steely determination. Aanchal walked in to tackle Nanayantara. But she hadn't even reached her yet and N kept pursuing me and I tried reaching Meenal with all that I had. Desperately trying to retain my sanity.
Fighting off the fog.
Also I had a lot of false alarms in the Dreams where I felt I was out of the weird area but when I reached what I thought was the safe area mentally, that wasn't it. I was not reaching the right place at all.
I think she was succeeding as well because I saw someone whom I felt was a mental health professional.
Finally, this ended with me reaching "lucidity" by actually, really waking up - my desired level of consciousness.
It starts with me and Nayantara (my boss). We are working together and I am sitting on her lap (?). Suddenly I lose control over my faculties. I can't see anything and when I try to speak it's an inebriated man's (woman's?) slur. My in dream conscious mind questions whether I smoked up that day. (The answer was no).
I slowly regained my abilities for a bit and I tried to explain to the whole team that something is wrong. Soon after, it happens again. I am very disoriented and everything is dark. I fumble to the switch board and nobody is helping me. Then L comments at me saying oh look she is going to switch on the light and sniggers. I finally hear the sound of a generator and realize there's no light. I stumble back to the guys and keep having these attacks. I also remember thinking if I could just get out of the disoriented zone. If only. Through a lot of struggle and will power, I finally managed to say that I was in control, and I will get over it. It took me every ounce of will power and concentration that I had to say that one sentence. My conscious mind knew I had to avoid the blank spots and move towards the safe spots where there are tangible things but my mind would not listen. Think I can't explain this well enough. This is something like knowing you have a nightmare and then your mind signals you to "wake up" to make it okay.
Slowly it turned out that Nayantara wanted me lost. She wanted me to get a bipolar disorder or demonstrate that I had one. She was creating triggers.
So I turned to Meenal for help. I called her, I dragged her by the hand. Every time I could hear her and feel her but I knew it wasn't her. Nayantara had managed to re-create a fake sensation thing. And that fake thing was fake reassuring me that she is coming and not to worry and be okay.
That's when I fully freaked out. I started running and she was running behind me with steely determination. Aanchal walked in to tackle Nanayantara. But she hadn't even reached her yet and N kept pursuing me and I tried reaching Meenal with all that I had. Desperately trying to retain my sanity.
Fighting off the fog.
Also I had a lot of false alarms in the Dreams where I felt I was out of the weird area but when I reached what I thought was the safe area mentally, that wasn't it. I was not reaching the right place at all.
I think she was succeeding as well because I saw someone whom I felt was a mental health professional.
Finally, this ended with me reaching "lucidity" by actually, really waking up - my desired level of consciousness.
And that is how I woke up at 4-15 and tried to wake up my sister as well but she just grunted back.
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