Checking in

I've been feeling strange lately. Like I'm living an approximation of adult life, like a ghost who witnesses but not really living? How am I shaking things up? Why this discontent? 

Strange feeling of being passive about my own life and not following through. I see the ghost of plans, sometimes a hint of wants but then nothing. Again and again. Maybe i celebrate my celebrations more. What is being in your 30s like? Where is the confidence I'm supposed to magically birth? Will I be disappointed or do it all? Please be the latter.